Locked Out— Let into My Heart: How Jesus Kept Knocking

Michelle Fewell shares her remarkable testimony on Just Talkin' About Jesus, Episode 91. 

From a childhood marked by kidnapping and displacement, through years of anger and rebellion against God, to a life-changing encounter in a small Bronx church—Michelle's story demonstrates God's faithful pursuit. 

This conversation offers hope for parents praying for prodigal children and reminds us all that God's word never returns void. 

Discover how forgotten keys became a divine appointment and why dwelling in the secret place of the Most High changes everything.

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Transcript

Jan: Welcome, everyone, to this new episode of Just Talking About Jesus. My friend Michelle Fewell is here today. 

Jan: We are gonna do a testimony today because, boy, she's got one.

And I think it's just going to be really meaningful for everybody to be able to listen to and gain insights from.

So tell me,

just golly, you were a little girl.

Michelle: Yes. The first time. The first time I heard about God, I had just been returned to my mother.

And. Well, because we were kidnapped into Mexico.

So my mom. We didn't know my mom. And while I was with my dad in Mexico, we.

We never had any kind of exposure to God,

to a church, to anything at all.

So we went to Puerto Rico, met my mother.

I was about four and a half, something like that.

And my mom from there tried the relationship makeup that they were trying to do. Didn't work out.

So my mom went to New York and left.

Jan: And she was from Puerto Rico and.

Michelle: Left me with my grandparents. So my grandparents felt that it was important for us to be religious, instructive it, religiously instructed.

And so she took us to a church. And I had never been to a church, so I was full of questions. What is that?

What are they doing?

What is prayer? Who is God?

Jan: Yeah.

Michelle: I mean, it was just an amazing thing for me that there is a God. And what is the significance of God? Like, what does God mean? Like.

And then it had to be explained. So she put me in a catechism class.

Jan: And so how old were you then?

Michelle: I think I was about five.

Jan: Okay.

Michelle: And this girl that was teaching us said that there was God and that God loved us. And I'm like, who is God?

And she explained to me who God was. And I'm in my little mind, I'm sitting there thinking,

oh,

there is a creator and I want to meet him.

I was like, in my mind,

who is this God who is so loving? Right.

And he sent his son and Jesus was here. And I was just completely mesmerized by the concept of God.

Jan: Yeah.

Michelle: And of course, time went by. My grandmother, who insisted that I went to church, never went to church herself.

Jan: She just was missing out.

Michelle: She just said, you have to go. And I went by, grandma, why don't you go?

She wouldn't answer me. She just says, you have to go. So I had to go.

And so she. And it was funny because she was not a Catholic, but she would send me to a Catholic church to get instruction.

And then she was telling me that Jesus was coming back. Now here I'm little and I don't understand what is this Jesus coming back and that the end of the world is coming and I'm crying because I don't understand.

So it was, it was a scary time. And she was just really calm about it, like, oh, he's gonna come back and,

and he's gonna get his people. And I'm thinking, his people.

I want to be his people. I want to go with God, I want to go with whoever, you know. But I, I didn't get that. And I didn't get no more instruction after that.

After that time and those little questions, I went to go live with my mother.

And so I didn't get any more religious instruction. And of course, sometimes as a child,

if it's not something that is continued,

children can forget quite easily.

So that was my first knowledge of God,

of that there is a God and there is a Creator who made.

Jan: This earth and you have a connection to them. Yeah, yeah.

Michelle: Yes. And that was it. I wasn't told about the plan of salvation or just, you know, just go to church and, and pray. And of course I was in the Catholic Church.

So you,

you prayed to,

to,

to various saints and Jesus and all that. And I was taught respect something that, that, you know, respect God, respect his holiness and,

and so,

you know, church was a woo place. You're quiet and you don't disrespect.

So. But that was all that I had back then.

Jan: Yeah, well, that must have been just an adjustment to be living with your mom again too, you know, like,

first of all, you don't have your mom now you have your mom now you don't. Who is this person and what was that like?

Michelle: Well, there were so many surprises in my life.

We got our mom, me and my brother, because we were both kidnapped. My father left to California to supposedly find a job and make a way for us. And when he left, my mom divorced him.

He was a. I guess they just didn't, they couldn't work it out.

And I didn't see him ever again.

That was it,

I guess between them. He decided, if you don't want to be with me, then you can find yourself another man was kind of what he said to her.

And,

and you know, again, now I'm with my mom and I, and I don't see him. And I forget because I'm a child and I get distracted with playing games and going to the country and little things like that.

Then we went to New York, my mom and my brother and I.

And of course she didn't go to church either.

So that was.

I didn't have any God. God,

Godlessness, God, Godfulness, Godliness. Godliness in my life.

Jan: Yeah. What was your neighborhood like?

Michelle: Well, I was in New York City.

It was the 60s.

It was. I didn't speak a lick of English.

So, you know, you go to school, you don't. People talk at you, and you don't know what they're saying. And I had to learn by watching people speak and listening to what things meant and asking questions.

Like, the first thing that they would say to me is, you know, what's your name? And I knew my name was Michelle,

but for everything I said, Michelle.

We were put in a first grade in the Bronx, and we just sat there because back then they didn't have immersion classes for us. So we sat there all day until the end of school.

And little by little, I started to associate the shapes of letters and what the sounds were. So I learned how to read by.

By way of,

well, spots. There's a squiggly letter. And that's how I learned my English.

Jan: Yeah.

Michelle: And with the neighborhood kids, I learned about sunburns and stuff like that.

And so we had a really rough time aclimating to the language barriers.

And New York is a city, and so I got exposed to fights. And there was differences between black and white in Puerto Rico.

Even in Mexico, I don't think it was ever a deal. In Puerto Rico, we're all kinds of colors, but we're all Puerto Rican.

So.

But in New York, it was different. So it was a tough life with a mother and no dad growing up in New York, you know, and then you go into.

I met my real grandmother who had abandoned my mom. And just there was a lot of dysfunction in all of my growing up babysitters because my mom was a single parent.

Abuse from babysitters that my mom never knew about. Cause we didn't tell her unless she figured it out. And then all of a sudden, we weren't going there.

Just a lot of difficulties.

And then I had some neighbors that came in when I was in my teens,

and they went to church and they were very religious. Yeah.

And I made good friends with her.

Her name was Susan. We called her Chicky and they call me Mickey.

You know, it's like Jenny from the block. We only lived a few blocks away from Jennifer Lopez,

but we didn't know her because she wasn't around yet. She was still little. Yeah. But it was she. I started going to church with her.

And so I started Going to.

I think it was catechism. I was involved in the Legion of Mary. I mean, I wanted to.

All of a sudden, my.

My desire to know God again was. Was lit up. Oh,

wow. I forgot about this. Right. So it's like, I really want to know God. And I had met people that had told me how wonderful it was to know God,

how wonderful it was to have a relationship with him. And so they said that if I did my first communion,

that I could have a relationship with God, that I could confess my sins,

and then all of a sudden, I would feel different.

Mm. So I worked towards that.

I. I went to my classes, I studied. And then came the day of my communion, My first communion.

And I was.

Jan: So did you wear your pretty dress?

Michelle: Yes. All tied, the veil, the patent leather shoes? Yes.

Jan: Because it's like a wedding to. To Jesus. Yeah.

Michelle: It's the bride of Christ and stuff like that. Didn't even, you know, it just. I was really,

really naive. I didn't really know. All I was excited about was the fact that my life was going to be different because I was going to meet Jesus about how.

Jan: So you were probably like 7 or 8 by that time?

Michelle: Ah, I was a lot older.

Jan: You're older then?

Michelle: I was. I was about 12.

Jan: Okay.

Michelle: Yeah, about 12.

Jan: Yeah. So middle school?

Michelle: Yeah, yeah, yeah, middle school.

Jan: Yeah.

Michelle: We won't even get into that one. Right.

Fight.

Gang related. I mean, if you ever saw the movie. What is it? The Get Down.

If you ever saw that,

and the blackouts in New York City in 1977, I was. I was all in there.

It was a. It was a tough life. There were neighborhoods being burned down. There was gangsters.

There was. It was just a rough life.

It was a rough life.

Jan: So the idea of a God that loved you and might keep you safe.

Michelle: Somehow,

I wasn't even thinking about my safety, any of that. Not just.

I was just so enthralled with the concept of meeting God and having a relationship with him, and I didn't really know what that meant. I just thought, if there is a God,

I want to know him.

Jan: That's a play. That's a draw of the Holy Spirit, though, right?

Michelle: Yes.

Jan: Right.

Michelle: And we know that. I, you know, now, you know, as an older Christian. But, yeah,

back then, I just knew that I wanted to know this creator.

I have got to know him.

So I'm excited. I'm so excited about this first communion because they said things are gonna change. I am.

As soon as I go in that confessional and speak my Sins, however many sins you have as a kid. Right.

I'm gonna have a new revelation of God and I'm gonna meet him.

Well, I did exactly that. I went in there and I said, you know, father, forgive me for I've sinned. And you know, I lied and little things like that, but it's still wrong, right?

And the Father says, you know, go say five Hail Marys. And.

And I walked out of there. I pushed the curtain back and I didn't feel any different.

I was devastated.

Jan: I didn't get the promised prize.

Michelle: I was so disappointed.

And I was.

And I went and said my prayers like I was told,

and nothing happened. Nothing.

And it, my, my disappointment went to sadness and, and, and eventually it turned to anger because I all of a sudden felt that I was lied to.

It's a lie. God does not exist.

It's a lie that. And this is a 12 year old thinking the world created God so that we could have something to hang onto. But he doesn't exist because nothing happened.

Jan: It's just a faith. It's just like a fantasy, you know.

Michelle: Thing of a.

I rebelled after that. I didn't want to hear anything about God.

It was a lie. I stopped going to church.

I was, Anything that had to do with God was like, yeah, right, whatever. It's just, it's just, you know, we're just gonna die and I don't remember before I came here and I'm not gonna remember when I leave,

which would make sense.

Yeah, it was,

it was an interesting thought.

And we're still in New York. You know, I'm getting older.

We're. We go through the boy phase, we go through the rebellious phase.

Then my mom gets saved.

It was the weirdest thing that ever happened in my entire life because already I'm angry and I don't believe that God exists. Okay.

And my mom smoked, drank, chewed.

She was a party woman, you know, she, and, and she could put it. She could kick anybody's butt.

And she was tough. Everybody in the neighborhood knew my mother.

Everybody.

And so one day she says she's going to go to church. And I'm looking at her like,

what,

are you out of your ever loving mind now? I'm pushed. I'm getting, I'm getting in trouble here. I'm. I'm passing this line. I'm getting a little pushback.

Jan: Yeah.

Michelle: And she says, no, I'm going to go, I'm going to go to church. And I'm like, why? What are you going to go to church for?

I'M just going to go. And she.

She put on a dress, which she never wore, because in New York, we always wore pants.

Put on a dress.

And she didn't put on as much makeup as she normally wore. She went to church and she came back and there was something different about her.

And I was like, what in the world is going on here? And she says, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

What was that for?

Instead of me being happy that my mom could be a better person,

I was livid.

I was so angry.

Jan: You felt betrayed?

Michelle: Betrayed? I. I was like, how could you do that? How could you. How could you go to a church where people raise their hands like they're crazy? I.

Jan: The Times. Times Church.

Michelle: It was a little Protestant church around the corner. The nicest people in the whole world. But I was angry.

Jan: I could see that. Yeah.

Michelle: And I just thought,

who is her? Who is this woman?

Right.

And so she went from working at clubs.

Right. To smoking and drinking or whatever her life was to all of a sudden it was over.

She got a new job.

She got rid of anything in her house that was inappropriate or anything that would lure her back into her old self. It was gone. Valuable things right out the door.

And I'm like, wait, wait a minute. Wait. I'll take.

No.

She got rid of everything that she felt was like a burden, like a hindrance.

Jan: Yeah. Yeah. Did she ever tell you how. What made her decide to go?

Michelle: She just. She was. I guess she was almost. And I didn't know this. She was kind of suicidal. She was unhappy in her life.

And,

you know, she had almost been killed several times in her. In her line of work. And she.

She just went and she gave. She just.

She had an encounter with God. And I'm like. But don't forget, I'm upset because I haven't. And I don't know this guy.

Jan: Because you're jealous, too.

Michelle: I'm jealous.

Jan: There's a jealousy there. Yeah. Like, why'd you get it and I didn't. This makes me think that somebody outside.

Michelle: Had been praying for her, I think so.

Jan: You know, somebody was praying for her, and that drew her, you know, whether she even knew him or not or didn't anything but by the Holy Spirit.

Michelle: Drew her,

and her life changed. And you know what? I was watching her every move.

I watched that woman.

I was waiting for her to do something that was related to how she was.

Whether she was going to say a bad word or smoke a cigarette or go to a club or get into a fight, whatever. It was. That was her past. I was watching her.

And you know what?

Nothing happened.

And I thought for the first time,

I said,

I think a miracle.

I think a miracle happened because it was so transformative that you can't explain it. You're talking about somebody who's always wanted to quit and could never do anything different.

But her giving her life to Christ changed her life.

Yeah.

And I was so mad at her.

Jan: And the whole time, did she ever. She's. She just looking at you and going, what did I do wrong?

Michelle: She. You know what? My mom had a bad temper.

Jan: Yeah.

Michelle: Oh, I could. I'll tell you what. She would come after me with a chancla,

which is a slipper, okay. In Spanish.

And she. She'd throw it and she'd get me.

And. And as disrespectful. I really got disrespectful to her when she became a Christian. And I said things to her that I would never,

ever say to her in the past.

And she ignored me. And I could not believe it. I could not get a rise out of her.

And I was blown away. I was like, what in the world?

How could she do this? She changed.

There's a miracle. That's a miracle right there. I said to myself, this is me not talking to anybody. This is private.

And.

And I'm just amazed that she.

She's a different person.

Totally started.

Jan: Old things have passed away. All things have become new.

Michelle: Well, you know, it's funny because before she got saved, I remember she had. We had a situation in the house,

and it was weird.

She had.

She got into some sort of a spell,

and she started to. Wanting to throw herself out the window, and her eyes got real dark, and she got weird,

and she got.

I mean, I would think possessed.

And my grandmother came over and my cousin came over, and they're trying to hold her down, and. And all you could hear her say before this is before she got saved was, I'm going to kill her.

She's saying, I'm going to kill her.

Okay. And then a few weeks later, she gets saved.

So it's like, wow.

And I'm not. You know, I'm not understanding these things because I. I just rejected anything that had to do with knowing God. And understanding these things are, like, way over my head.

And I don't have the experience or the. Or the spiritual literacy to understand anything because I didn't grow up right with religion.

Jan: Right.

Michelle: And so. Or. Or. Or Bible structure.

And so it was amazing to me.

So time passed by and of course, I was a young girl going to school with her,

so time was going by, and now she's saved and she's praying. And I've never really seen my mother pray,

so that was new to me. She's praying, she's on her knees.

She prayed a lot. She fasted. You know, what is fasting? Or you don't eat and you just kind of like,

seek God. And, I mean, she got involved in the church to the point where it was almost like in her household, it was kind of divided because us kids were still ungodly.

Jan: But she wasn't inviting you to come?

Michelle: Well, yeah, she did invite me, but I didn't want to go. And I was very, very rebellious.

Very rebellious.

And so.

And this is, I guess, because I was so rebellious, there was, I guess, God dealt with me in a different sort of way.

It was one day I went ice skating at Flushing Meadow park,

and I had a rough day at the ice skating rink.

There was a cute boy that I couldn't get his attention.

Jan: And that is a rough day.

Michelle: I was so disappointed because he was so cute.

And so I was upset because I didn't have this encounter and take the train, the subway. We're going back home to the Bronx.

Well, the other side of the Bronx.

And all of a sudden I get home and I've already sad in my heart for whatever excuse I have. The boy, right.

And I'm locked out because I forgot to take my key.

Jan: That didn't help.

Michelle: And I'm thinking, oh, man, my mom's not home. Where is she?

She's at church.

So either I stay out here outside,

stuck in front of the door, or I don't. I didn't have any plans or any friends to hang out with,

or I have to go to that church.

And that's. That was my attitude. Go to that church.

Jan: That place.

Michelle: Yeah. And, yeah, I was. It was like.

And so I. I resolved to. I'm going to go to this church, and I'm going to go in there and I'm going to get the keys and I'm going to come back home.

And I had an attitude from here to tomorrow.

And I'm walking and it's. I lived in the middle of the block, and you have to. And I'm walking to the end of the block, around the corner, because that's where the church was.

And so I get there to this church,

and I knock on the door. It's a little church.

And this little lady opens the door and she's smiling at Me.

And I. You know, I'm looking at her, and I'm like,

that's the nicest, warmest smile.

I. You know, you just kind of want to hug her. But I have an attitude, so my attitude wins.

And I gave.

Gave her this look like, is my mother there? I'm looking for my mother.

She's holding the door, right? She said, yeah. And she's right there. And I look in.

Now, mind you, this little church,

the. The. The sanctuary is in the front, but the entrance to get into the church is in the middle of the. Of the church. So you have se.

And seats in the front and then the pulpit. And so my mom's in the pulpit on her knees, praying. And I'm like, my God. She's over there praying in front of everybody.

And I'm like, well, I. I need. I need my keys to the house. I need to get in the house. I'm locked out, so I need to get. I need her to come out here and bring me the keys.

And the little lady, okay, she's like this high next to me.

She smiles at me, and she grabs my arm and she pulls me in to the building.

Come on in. And I'm like,

I froze as soon as she pushed me in. And I see people, and I see people behind me, and I see people everywhere.

I froze. And I. I'm like.

I'm looking for a place to sit, like, quick.

So I dash to the chair and I sit down because I don't want anybody to see me.

Everybody knows, right? But in my mind,

I'm sitting down.

Jan: I'm invisible. You can't see me.

Michelle: Man, what an attitude. I was so hard. My heart was so hard. And so now I'm stuck here because I'm thinking, she's still praying. What are we getting?

Jan: 10 by 10 interrupter.

Michelle: What am I gonna do with this? You know, I'm stuck here,

and. And if I want to get up, everybody's gonna see me get up, and then they're gonna look at me and talk about me. I mean, I had issues.

I had issues.

But she wasn't stopping to pray so I could get her attention.

So now the service is going on, and they're singing and they're dancing and they're clapping and they're happy.

And I all of a sudden felt like, what is.

You know, these people are so happy, and. And I could all of a sudden feel that my ugliness.

I could. I could.

I. I became aware of my ugliness, of the. Of the.

My heart condition. Of. Of how.

Of how I was the one that was out of sync here. How I was unpleasant in my heart.

Mind you, I don't even know what. What these things are at that time.

Jan: But it was an Adam and Eve moment.

Michelle: Yeah.

Jan: Really? Yeah. You know, that. That feeling of shame with that. Because you're in the presence of holiness.

Michelle: And I didn't know and understand these things, but I knew that I felt dirty.

I felt hard.

Like,

hard.

And so I'm sitting there and all of a sudden this thought comes up to my brain and it says,

maybe you can get to know God.

And I'm like,

get to know God?

Jan: Funny story. Funny story, right? Yeah.

Michelle: Isn't that interesting as I'm sitting here?

Well, the preacher went up and he preached,

and I didn't leave because my mom finally gets up from praying, but she sits on the other side because.

Jan: She doesn't know you're there.

Michelle: She doesn't know I'm there. So she's sitting on the other side in the front, and I'm back here in the middle.

Jan: You think maybe God was orchestrating that? Oh, you know, like, making sure she doesn't know you're here because he's got some heart work to do with you?

Michelle: Absolutely.

Because it was orchestrated in such a way. Honestly,

when I finish telling you this,

you'll see that it wasn't anything that I planned. And certainly my mom's just been praying for me and praying for me.

And so here I am listening to the story about Jesus and how nobody is going to go to heaven without.

Without going through Jesus.

And I'm like, what do you mean, going through Jesus?

Well, God sent his only son. And he goes through this whole ordeal about.

So that we can be redeemed, so that we can have a relationship back with God. And he talked about the curtain and the veil being torn apart and us being able to have a direct line to Jesus Christ.

And all I can associate with that was my confessional,

where here I am in this little box, and there's a. There's a. And I'm confessing to this, and. And I'm trying to associate this. And I'm like, oh, my goodness.

And then he said to me, while he's. As he's preaching,

he's talking about.

Oh, my gosh, he's talking about forgiveness,

but that I had to give my life to Christ, that you. He went through so much for you.

He. He was beaten. He took your place. You're supposed to go to hell. You're supposed to be damned Because.

Because. Because of sin, you're separated. And all of a sudden it's like,

but he. He took your place.

He took your place.

He got spit upon. They pulled his beard out. They hit him, they beat him. And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking,

who would love me so much that they would take a beating for me like that? Willingly.

Willingly.

And all of a sudden, it just became so real to me,

you know? And I had, like two. Two things, one on each shoulder. And one is like, oh, my goodness.

You just got to know God. Kick. Oh, my goodness. You know, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? And the other one says, get the heck outta here.

These people are crazy.

If you.

If you get to the point where you accept all of this, you are gonna be called the hallelujah. Everybody's gonna make fun of you. You're gonna be a weirdo.

All these things are going through my mind.

So finally he gets to the point where he's making the altar call.

He says, if you want to know God and receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, come up here and accept him publicly.

And I'm like, oh, my goodness, I'm gripped.

Jan: It's actually the moment that your heart has been waiting for all this time.

Michelle: But I was not going to get up there. I wasn't going to get up there. I wasn't going to go up in front of these people. I wasn't going to give them the pleasure.

That part of me just rose up.

And then that little soft voice would say, but don't you want to know him?

Don't you want to know God?

If he's real, don't you want to know God?

And the other part says,

oh, this is hogwash. You know, you don't want to. These people are weirdos.

I'm telling you. This was my travail.

And so there's this girl. She was sitting in front of me at the pulpit,

and she was a big girl. She was a giant.

And I.

Okay, this is the past, okay? I thought she was ugly as sin.

And she turns around and she smiles at me. The most amazing smile. And all of a sudden, I. I kind of, like, shrunk.

And I looked at her and I thought, what a beautiful person.

Jan: Which was not normally you.

Michelle: No. Yeah, but she was beautiful. And then I saw my ugliness.

I thought I was attractive. Blah, blah, blah, right? A teenage kid. I've got. I'm looking good, right?

And this girl has no makeup on, and she turns around, and she smiles at me and she says, do you want to go up there and receive Jesus Christ?

And.

And I. I swallowed hard and I said, I don't want to. No, thank you.

The attitude,

the whole face.

And I'm sitting there, and part of me is going, oh,

but you wanna go up there?

You wanna go up there? You wanna meet God? You know,

this is an opportunity.

And. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh, what do I do? What do I do?

And she turns around again,

and I.

Jan: Was so excited as God is telling her, this girl needs you to pull your.

Michelle: And I'm fighting it, but there's a part of me that just so badly. And sometimes we just need that help, that someone that'll say,

let me give you a hand. Right.

Thank God she listened.

She turned around and she said to me, I'll go with you.

Oh,

yeah.

I was like,

she'll go with me.

I don't have to go alone.

I was so.

And I tell you what, she stood up. She's in the front pew in front of me, and I stood up, and we have to walk in one direction or the other to get to them.

Yeah.

I shot up and I passed her and I ran to that pulpit,

and I. I just threw myself. I threw myself there.

I forgot about everybody that was there. And I said, oh, Lord, I'm so, so sorry.

I'm so sorry that, you know, that I didn't think about you and what you did for me and,

you know, and that I'm a sinner and. Oh, my gosh, I mean, I just.

I just cried and cried, and I just asked him to enter my heart.

And.

Okay, so now, you gotta know,

I was there for a long time. I think the service finished, and I was still there.

And when I got up from that floor,

I felt a difference in my heart.

I knew something happened. And I was so filled with joy.

I was so filled with joy. And there was a joy that you can't even explain.

You can't give it a significance or a. Because it was just God who finally said, here I am.

You get to meet me. You get. I get. You know, I'm here. I'm here. And I was, like,

so,

so happy that he had mercy on me. And he heard me. He heard me when I was angry and when I didn't get to know him and when I really wanted to know him as a little girl.

And time passed by,

you know, and he made it. He made a way. He made a way, and he got Past my hardness.

Jan: Yeah. Yeah.

Michelle: I. You know, and it's still a lot to me. I'm still. And now I'm grateful because he is a good and merciful and loving God.

Jan: Yes, you got me.

Michelle: Yeah. I'm sorry,

but it is.

He's so good. And I can only say that when you think.

And many of us have. I know, because I had my moments when I think God didn't hear me. Even. Even serving the Lord, sometimes you say he doesn't hear me, but he really does.

He hears us.

Jan: And so you think back not having your keys brought you to that place.

You know, I mean, it's just like all of. All of his little pieces that he puts together, you know, and then.

And makes it happen.

Michelle: Yeah. Because, I mean, I always had my keys.

I didn't have my keys. And I.

I don't even think that I thought where they were at. I just knew that I had to go there.

Jan: Yeah.

Michelle: Go get them.

Jan: Yeah. Yeah.

Michelle: And that all. And that my own pride kept me from leaving the service where I got into a situation where I'm hearing that gospel, I'm hearing the good news.

Jan: Yeah. So that your mom didn't know at that time. And then when. I mean, when you're up there, that's when she realizes you're there.

Michelle: She was so happy.

Jan: She had to have been, like, bald.

Michelle: And she gave me a big hug. I've been praying for you. Oh, my gosh.

Jan: Nothing like a mama's prayers. Oh, yes, they do work like a mama's prayers.

Michelle: Sometimes you. You wait. But you know what?

Those who wait upon the Lord. And that's a. That's an interesting statement, but it's so true. When you wait upon the Lord,

your strength is renewed. But it's waiting, and it's not waiting on, oh, and I think I've had enough.

Or I think I could do this much.

It's. It's waiting and just trusting that God comes through when he deems it necessary to,

however he feels fit.

Jan: Yeah.

And he grabs you at the. At your orneriest point,

you know?

Yeah.

And. And that's part of it is because.

Because when you see the difference between the blackness and the white,

it's that hardness of your heart and that change,

that real change you saw in your mom.

Right?

Michelle: Yeah.

Jan: And that's the same kind of thing. Because, you know, I mean, that's where. That's where redemption is.

Michelle: Yes, it is.

Jan: Is the. The start of redemption is seeing the blackness of your heart and making the.

Michelle: Change and, you know, acknowledging Right.

Jan: Yeah.

Michelle: And it's funny because,

you know,

even as. As a young kid,

you know, you have. You get to that part of. Of the knowledge of right and wrong.

And I think I was. I was obviously already there.

But.

But you see. You see, and you can probably pinpoint it as a kid, but you. But you know that there is some difference,

and you know that there's a separation. You know that there.

That. That you don't have. You know, that you don't have God in your heart.

And,

and it's so simple to just acknowledge him,

you know, and, and it took a lot for me,

and I'm glad he. That he knew me to get up and to publicly go and receive him.

That was. That. That's a big deal. It's so hard.

Jan: It's a huge deal.

It's a huge deal.

You know, and especially at the point where you were. It sounds like at that point you were real conscious of what people thought of you.

Michelle: Oh, yes.

Jan: And that was important to you,

you know, and so to make that claim to be something else now,

that scary part of. Okay, now who am I when I go back to my friends, to school, to my environment.

Michelle: Oh, yes, all of that.

But that gives you. You know, it's so funny when you.

And I don't know, I just think that God gives you the courage when you can. When you can take that step of faith and trust him publicly to acknowledge him.

He makes a way. Because I tell you what I went to, it was junior high, and, you know, junior high is a tough time.

And,

And I told people that, you know, I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, and I was so excited about it.

It didn't matter to me what they said. And they did say stuff to me. They made fun of me,

you know, and you can't do this and you can't do that because that's kind of where they go right with the way.

Jan: Because it's the whole. The whole law.

Michelle: Yes.

Jan: You know, under the law.

Michelle: Yes.

Jan: Yeah.

And their idea of what being a Christian is just like your idea what being a Christian was, you know, beforehand too, that kept you from it, you know, the whole,

the whole thing.

Yeah. Yeah. So it also, like, now that you're, you know, when you're teaching nijanas and doing things like that, I mean, how important that is to feed the truth into little kids.

Michelle: Yes, It. It's.

It's very important. And, and, you know, funny children have questions,

so it's important to,

to answer their questions, to look into their eyes.

And give them that attention that they need because it's truly,

truly significant to them.

When a little child asks you a question, that's super important.

And those are things they don't forget.

And they are so innocent.

And I just delight in when I hear a child tell me about Jesus, like now when I do awanas,

before we start, I always say, who has a praise report?

Who has something to share with the rest?

And you know, you would think they're shy or something.

Their little hands go up. Me, Me.

They want to share.

Jan: Yeah.

Michelle: Or who wants to. We're going to get a snack. Who wants to give the Lord, thanks, Can I do it?

And then the other one wants to do it too. And the other one. It's my turn.

Jan: Yeah.

Michelle: Well, okay. We already said grace, but you want to do a turn to.

Jan: Okay, that's okay. That's okay.

Michelle: I love the enthusiasm. And you want to grant them that so that they can learn to pray.

Learn to pray for others.

Learn to pray publicly and out loud. That's so important for a child's development,

just like anything else.

Jan: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Michelle: Yeah.

Jan: Wow. Wow, huh? What would you tell a parent of rebellious teenager who is praying for their child?

Michelle: You know what? Don't. Don't give up. Don't be discouraged.

Live your life the way you're supposed to with the Lord.

Honestly, because they're looking,

they're watching,

they're waiting for you to make a mistake, trip up, change your mind,

compromise.

Because they're at that age, you know, where they want to. They want to know the real truth. And so be a good example to the best of your ability. And when you're wrong, admit it,

be humble,

but don't stop praying for them because there. There is a prodigal son. And there. Not everybody does that. You know, there are people that are so blessed to have always known the Lord all their lives.

And what a wonderful thing. Right? And then there are those that have come out of really tough situations in their lives and out of whatever experience because they're as vast as there are people you come out of.

It's so important to not give up on God and not stop praying.

You know,

God hears the prayers of the righteous and he does. His word does not return void.

It completes and it accomplishes everything that he sent it out to accomplish.

Jan: Yeah.

Michelle: And you have to trust that.

You really do. You have to trust God's word and his timing. Yeah. Because sometimes it doesn't happen when we want it. I want it now,

Baruch. Right. I want it now.

It doesn't always happen that way, but God is faithful.

Jan: Well, and as a parent, you're watching your kids go down the wrong path and whatever you want to save them from having all of that pain and that kind of stuff.

Michelle: But. And you know what?

Jan: It's not always going to work out that way.

Michelle: And it might be their testimony.

Jan: It might be their testimony.

Michelle: I have my testimony. My mom has hers.

Just pray that. That, you know, that God opens eyes of their understanding and brings them home like that prodigal son. Yeah. Yeah.

Jan: So this is episode 91, and we were looking beforehand at the Psalm 91.

Michelle: Yes.

Jan: Was there a part of that that you wanted to share?

Michelle: Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Let me. Let me pull it up, because I don't have it memorized,

but it's a beautiful psalm, one of my favorite. So I actually,

now, as I'm. As I'm older,

I like the beginning of it, Although he's faithful with all of it. But it says, he who dwells in the secret place of the most high.

Mm. That's my intimate time. My intimacy with God shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

So no matter what happens around me,

on me,

you know, whatever happens in this world,

we are to be close to God at all times.

And even when we don't want to or when we don't feel like it. It says, he who abides, abides in that secret place of the most high,

shall dwell in the shadow of the Almighty because he is. It says here, I will say of the Lord, he's my refuge and my fortress,

my God in whom I trust.

So trust without trust, which is the same thing as faith, we can't see God. Right,

Right.

Jan: Exactly. Yeah. In the present. That's that little God spot right there in your brain. That's little God spot face in there.

Michelle: We're so wonderfully made, huh?

Jan: We're so wonderfully made. Yes. Oh, thank you, Michelle. This has really been amazing.

Michelle: Well, thank you. It's a pleasure.