An Unseen Hand Pulled Me Out of Addiction with Bartholomew James

From repeated suicide attempts, God continued to say, "No, I have a plan for you."

In this episode of 'Just Talking about Jesus,' guest Bartholomew James shares his powerful journey from a troubled childhood to finding faith and redemption.

Growing up in foster care, he was exposed to various belief systems without a stable foundation. 

His life spiraled through addiction, culminating in multiple overdoses and a near-death experience. 

Bartholomew describes his profound spiritual awakening, attributing it to Jesus.

 With newfound faith, he embraced recovery, finding stability and purpose. 

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Transcript

Jan: Welcome everyone to Just Talking about Jesus. I am so excited to have Bartholomew James here today to tell his story, which was I heard his testimony and I just thought, oh no, we gotta have this guy on here because he will be such a blessing to everyone.

Did you grow up with any Christian going to church, any knowledge of God, anything? What was your growing up like?

Bartholomew: Okay, so that's, that's a good place to start. So I got my,

my younger years,

I had some, My biological parents were,

they would go to church, but it was showy, you know, I didn't. And I don't really remember that much because once I turned six, I got taken in to foster care and then from there it just was dependent on the house that I lived in.

I've lived in people who practice Buddhists, people who practice Scientology, people who practice Mormonism, Catholicism, all of it. I, I'm, I've been in that house.

And,

and so the,

the hard part for me when it came to God was one. There's so many different versions living, you know, who am I supposed to look up to when all of these people that are supposed to be parental figures either don't have something or have something completely different than the last home?

You know, So I was very confused about all of it. I didn't have a solid structure. I even went to a private school at one point in time. Like, it, it just, but nobody sat me down and like actually showed me or talked to me about the gospels or the Bible or anything like that.

I just didn't have it.

Jan: Yeah. Yeah.

Which again shows you how important it is to be talking to me. You know, not just take for granted that maybe they know or they don't know, but just,

just the importance of that. Right.

Bartholomew: Yes. Well, as I'm coming into faith now and I'm learning more and more, I can't stop. I've got like three Bible studies a week in church and help.

And it's just, it's great.

But I am learning that so much about life is just answered right there in the Bible,

you know, what it is to be a father,

what it is to be a man, what it is to be a good human,

you know, accountability,

integrity, all those things, you know, stuff that I just,

I either didn't care about or just took willy nilly, you know, I didn't have structure in my spirit.

Jesus found me until God found me.

Jan: So you bounced around from one house to another, which never gave you much security, not knowing what's going to happen next.

Bartholomew: Or,

or I was the one that took care of me all the time.

You know, once I had been in the system for a few years,

the only person I could depend on was me.

So, you know, we all know where that leads down the road. In the end, you know, there's no, when there's no structure, there's no,

well, I can give myself permission to do anything I want.

Jan: And if it's not good here, maybe, you know, this one's just going to end anyway. So you know why.

Bartholomew: Exactly.

Jan: Yeah. And so I would guess that you had to try and protect your heart and,

and maybe block things off to be able to not let some things in.

Bartholomew: Yeah. Super guarded.

Super, super guarded and very untrusting. You know, it didn't,

it didn't matter. I off the bat, didn't trust anybody. And even now it's still,

that's a difficult concept for me to grasp. You know, I'm working on it. I'm not perfect, you know, with Jesus's guidance and love and I, I'm learning how to be able to trust.

And it just has been a scary concept because every time I trusted I got hurt.

Jan: Yeah.

Bartholomew: You know, and that started with my sexual abuse when I was younger, and that led into some of the foster homes I was in. They're not good people.

When one was like the other or when there was any kind of similarity,

it would just shut me off. You know what I mean? These people might go to church, but they're still foster parents. And if these foster parents go to church and these foster parents used to put me in a room two days.

What difference does it make? It doesn't, it didn't.

Jan: You know, and it's hard to be able to grasp on.

Because even still in your young mind you don't have a big picture of things either. So you have to take things as they're coming, as they're learning.

Did you have anybody in your life that, that kind of mentored you? Anybody at school or anything,

anywhere?

Bartholomew: That was not until my adult years, until I started seeking mentorship, I had a real big problem with male authority. And then I went into the military.

Jan: How'd that work out for you?

Bartholomew: That was, that was kind of short-lived skin. It's just typical male military stuff. But it wasn't until I had my son that I started recognizing that, hey, I needed to do something different to ensure that he didn't follow the path that I went down.

And so at that point, I got a pretty stable job. And the person who I called my mentor, he was somebody who worked in the same industry as me, but he had been there very long, and so I just gravitated towards him, and he was a man of God, and I still hadn't found God at the time, but he was a good man.

So the little seeds were planted.

Jan:  And he must have been someone that, you know, that you learned to trust.

Bartholomew: I did. I did. He was somebody that cared about me,

and so somebody else caring, like, actually caring about me, like, making sure that I was doing the right thing, taking the next step, trying to advance my life in a positive direction.

That was something that I wasn't used to.

So I immediately clung to that.

Jan: So where did things go? Did you graduate from high school?

Bartholomew: I did. I graduated high school. 

Jan: Congratulations.

Bartholomew: That was kind of my stubborn self.

Because nobody else in my family, my biological sister, my parents,

my aunts, my uncles. I don't remember any of them graduating high school. I made sure. And I had to have a diploma to go into the Marines,

so I was not about to pass that up.

So I passed, but I barely passed.

Jan: And then. How long were you in the service?

Bartholomew: 3 and a half years.

Jan: That's a respectable amount of time. What was that like for you?

Bartholomew: That was typical. I mean,

it was more structure than I was ever used to,

 And I really butted heads with a couple of my higher ups a few times because,

like I said, I had a real problem with male authority.

And so I quickly chose to not stay in.

Jan: Fortunately, you could choose that. You had the right to choose that. So when you got out, what happened? Where did you go?

Bartholomew: Addiction.

Well, I didn't find drugs or anything of the sort until I was actually in the military.

And then as I got out, it just went crazy. And I just kind of went down a really hard path for five or six years.

And then I had my son and still struggled off and on with addiction when I first had him.

And then I had a pretty solid stint for 10 years.

Fell off again.

Jan: How old is your son now?

Bartholomew: He'll be 13 next month.

Jan: Oh, teenager.

Bartholomew: Yeah.

Jan: Yeah. And so. So I'm assuming you get him in your life, has some.

Bartholomew: No, not right now.

There was.

There was some.

Some damages done in my last relapse that he is choosing to not associate at the time. And I pray,

I continually send updates and stuff, but I'm not going to force something that there was some bad stuff, you know. I really went off the deep end with my last relapse, and he saw some stuff, so 

I don't blame him for where he's at.

Jan: Yeah.See,

the closest I ever got with drugs was in college,

smoking a joint once and being with some people that had LSD, that I held in my hand. I thought, no.

No. Pass it on.

Talk to us about addiction. What's that like? What was that like for you?

Bartholomew: Well, it's odd to say this, but I did different drugs for different reasons.

I would do meth because I didn't like sleeping because I had nightmares.

And then I would be up for so long that I would need to do fentanyl or heroin to kind of bring myself down off of that. And that's where stuff got really crazy.

Your body builds a tolerance to opiates, and I had zero tolerance to it. So once I found out that I was not.

I tried to kill myself with heroin and fentanyl quite a few times because I knew that my body couldn't handle it. So I'd go really, really crazy for five or six days on meth and then intentionally do fentanyl to.

Jan: But God had other plans.

Bartholomew: Oh, 23 different times. Did he have other plans?

Yeah.

It's funny you mentioned that, because like I said, it was a very intentional act.

My trying to overdose and stuff like that. And when you can't, when you fail,

something like that, that's what that was, what it was in my brain. Now I know that it was Jesus having his hand in my life for bigger things.

But in the moment, not succeeding at dying was the biggest disappointment to me.

Jan: That's scary because you had to be in such a dark place that you didn't see anything worth living for.

Bartholomew: Absolutely. I had no positive outlook. And the idea of a loving God, to me was a joke,

with everything that had culminated up to a point, everything that I'd been through. It was,

no. No way.

You can't tell me otherwise.

Jan: You didn't see Jesus in people? The real Jesus in people?

Bartholomew: Not. No, no. In fact, in fact, I,

I didn't even realize what was happening. So. The last time that I overdosed, I was clinically dead for almost 15 minutes, coded out.

And in that time, most of the time when I would overdose, it was just kind of a black thing and it would be for very short.

But this last time when it happened, that little kid in me that was screaming, that little kid in me that was crying, just trying to not feel anymore.

I was, I just felt like I got a hug,

There wasn't a figure there. 

There was no shiny lights, no face to face, anything. It was such an internal feeling to me.

It was like I got the best, and somebody said it's okay.

I still didn't even recognize exactly what it was until later when I, when I started figuring out church. But I know that two days later I was in a treatment facility.

Jan: Which is miraculous because look at how many people go through treatment and then they're out. AnI mean, I have a niece that died with a fentanyl overdose. And in and out, in and out, in and out and in and out.

Bartholomew: Yeah, and again, this is where I recognize God's hand in my life, even when I didn't at the time. To get into a treatment bed, especially somebody who's on state medical,

is a hurry up and wait game. You put your name on a list, and they'll call you in two to three months when that bed might be available.

So the fact that within two days was in a 45-day treatment facility.

And there was, it happened so fast.

And that was here in Astoria. And I haven't gone back.

I haven't looked back. I got my job. My job fell into place right after my treatment. I just started applying. I got an apartment right down the road from church.

And it's like God has led me to so many things. And once I stopped trying to control everything,

once I stopped trying to force what I wanted in a situation and allowed myself to listen,

my feet just kept going.

Jan: You’re around a lot of things that you don't have any control over,

control is all you have, to be able to survive. It's a survival skill, you know?

But fortunately, at some point for you,

that changed to where oh,

I don't have to do that anymore.

You know, I don't have to be the one in control all the time.

Bartholomew: When I drive my ship, when I'm the captain of the ship, I tend to run aground. When I let God captain the ship, we're smooth sailing.

Jan: Where was your point where you turned, where you found out God was the real deal?

Bartholomew: Well, I knew once I got my apartment and I started coming to church and I started being in crowds, was really uncomfortable, especially with, how big our church can get.

But the church and the people in the church were so welcoming, and that was so odd to me because that wasn't something I knew. And also that was something that I previously would have shied away from, because most of the time, especially in the realm of people, in addiction, if people are nice to you, they want something.

Jan: From you, yeah, there's an ulterior motive or there's some manipulation or something that's gonna happen.

Bartholomew: They're not there to actually have genuine love for you. And so this church has just in so many ways,  shown me what love actually is, and the people that I've met and the fellowship that I have and the ability to recognize it and for them to not push me away.

Bartholomew: Because I want to be honest with people.

This is where I came from. And not because I want  

‘Oh, my gosh, look how far this guy has come, but because this is where I came from”,

you know? And if anything, I want to be able to soften people's hearts to the people in where I come from.

Jan: What drew you to church to begin with? Did somebody. You go with somebody or you knew somebody, you just.

Bartholomew: My apartment was right down the road from church, and it was the closest one, and I was like, I should go.

And now I just started going. 

It was too easy to not go.

Jan: It was too hard not to go because it was so close and convenient.

Bartholomew: I couldn't say no. I didn't have anything else to do on Sundays.

And so I started going to fill my time, because in addiction, idle hands can be the devil's playground. And so I started going because I knew something in my life had to change because sobriety is not just about not using drugs.

It's about.

Jan: Change your heart.

Bartholomew: Yeah.

It's learning to change the way you think.

And now I know that these things are sin, these things are the devil, these things Satan getting into your brain, telling you you're not worthy, telling you that you need to feel different,

telling you that if you just do this, it's going to change this. And it doesn't happen like that. He's the master of deception. I really, am grateful for where I'm at now.

And I don't want to say that I'm sad that it didn't happen sooner because then I wouldn't be able to have the, the story that I have, the testimony that I have.

God, it's so weird being grateful for that, that I went through.

Bartholomew: It really is. But I now am able to connect with people on such a different level, and now I get to help with children's ministry.

Jan: Who would have thought, right?

Bartholomew: Yeah. No, for real, like two years ago, if you would have told me that I would have been helping with children's ministry, I would have laughed in your face. 

Jan: And isn't it rewarding, though? 

Bartholomew:. Love it. Absolutely.

Jan: They're, they're energetic and they want to learn and they say funny things, but they're all, you know, but they're just, but they're so open,

you know, and here I am and ready, you know,

and maybe in that position, you might be drawn to somebody who was you,

you know,

somebody who.

Bartholomew: Especially with some of the kids that come through you recognize situations in their life and those are the ones I'm drawn to.

Those are the ones that God put me in this position for.

Jan: And you're going to be the one who sees them.

Bartholomew: Yes. Yes.

Jan: And who says, there's a God who loves you?

Bartholomew: Amen. Amen.

Jan: There's a God who loves you. Let me tell you about him,

you know? Yeah. How exciting is that? Wow.

Wow.

When you,

you went through treatment and came out of there, everything just kind of falls into place.

Who did you.

At the church, did you find people just like that, invited you into like, men's group or something?

How did your mentoring go to be able to get you to where you are now?

Bartholomew: I filled out the connect card about baptism,

And then I got to do a baptism class with Pastor John,

and he's also doing a new believers study. So I started doing that as well.

I had my own apartment, and I was. You know, I have a good job. I have a very stable job. The problem is I was paying all my money into rent.

So conveniently, there happened to be a luncheon happening at the church about missions,

and so I was like, oh, free lunch. So I offered to help set up, and Chrissy gravitated to me.

And then the people that I live with now, Doug and Laura Fryant.

There's Laura came running. I'm still soaking wet. At my baptism, she didn't even let me dry off. She gave me a big hug, and she's like, I love your story.

You remind me of my kids. I want to get to know you.

And. And a year later, I live here.

Bartholomew: Oh,her and Doug are wonderful. They've done foster care.

They have done some amazing things in life. So God has put me right where I get a great example of what it is to be a father, what it is to be a man and a loving mother, you know, in a very.

In a very pseudo sense.  I'm an adult, but they are one of the best examples God could have put me with.

Jan: That's amazing. That is so amazing. So tell me about the other ministries you're thinking of doing.

Bartholomew: Well, so right now,Helping Hands International,

the people who do our mission network, there's a missionary position,

that is an outreach position.

I haven't quite got all the details of it. I am learning as it comes in.

I haven't met with the director, but it's something that Chrissy has talked to me about that I am “Yes, yes, please.

I want to do this. I want to help.”

Jan: Is that. That's a volunteer position.

Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. What a blessing. What a blessing. This is just like, so.

And you're right how God layers all these things, you know, even the things that are bad, it's just like. I mean, you know, you take the. The life of Joseph,

look at his brothers, throw him into a pit and sell him, and then he's taken off to be,

you know, into another country.

He's in leadership, and then he's in jail, and he's gone back and forth to being kind of a savior of the world at the time. You know, it's just all those things that are layered together.

It's just amazing.

Bartholomew: I don't think there's anybody that I've met either at church or even outside of church now where I'm very vocal about Jesus being in my life. I wear my cross on my chest. I wear Jesus T shirts. I do it on purpose. I do it intentionally.

Let's talk about God.

Let's get down to the nitty gritty. And so I have started doing a Bible study that is outside of the norm. Nobody in my Bible study goes to church.

And I met that person somewhere and now I'm in a Bible study with this guy. 

Jan: That's so cool.

I want to ask you two things.

What would you tell people who are walking next to someone that's homeless? Or what do you see as the best way to help somebody?

Bartholomew: Don't give them money.

No, not really.

That's honesty. But ask them if they need something to eat.

Ask them not in a way that's like, “Hey, do you want me to get you food?”

Let them know that they're human.

Bartholomew: Would you like to get something to eat with me? Sit down and have that conversation with them.

Bartholomew: 

I can tell you that the people who made me feel like I was not invisible,

who didn't look down on me, who would sit down on the curb and have a conversation with me,

those are the people that I remember.

Jan: What would you now tell your younger self?

Bartholomew: I wouldn't.

I wouldn't.  When I mean by that is like, it is crazy.  The amount of gratitude that I have to Jesus for everything that I've been through.

Like, I hated everything about life, and I hated everything that I'd been through.

And now that I'm more that, I try to walk more with Christ, and I try. As I'm learning,

this attitude of gratitude and forgiveness is immense.

I would not be able now to reach the people that I can if anything about my life was changed.

I wouldn't.

Jan: Yeah. Yeah. That's in Corinthians.

Bartholomew: Yeah. And so that's such a. That's such a. That's a tough question.

Yeah, I probably give him a high five.

You know, like, that's about it. But nothing. Nothing about it gets better.

Jan: Yeah, yeah.

Bartholomew: This too shall pass.

Jan: I don't know. Yeah. Well, we're almost at the end of our time. What is the one last thing you'd like to leave with our listeners?

Bartholomew: Viewers to be open to hearing the gospel from multiple sources.

I don't just listen to Pastor John and I. I'm not talking about just social media stuff, but I have opened my horizons to the word of God.

And I listen to a guy that preaches in prison and he's, you know, I catch more of what he says than some other people.

But expand your theological brain. Don't be so close minded.

Jan: Yeah,

yeah.

Sounds like good advice.

Well,

thank you so much. I just really appreciate this time I've got to spend with you and I look forward to more time.

Bartholomew: I will see you later. Thank you so much and God bless you.