10 Things I Hate About My Husband with Shayla Marie Huber

https://www.shaylamariehuber.com/
Tiktok: shaylahuber30 
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https://youtu.be/sjx7u7ja6nI

Shayla is a rodeo wife to Cody, boy mom to Leroy and Wacey and they live in Iowa. She is an author and speaker passionate about helping women get rooted in their identity in God in order to thrive in their marriages, homes and lives! 

In this podcast episode, Shayla Marie Huber, a devoted rodeo wife and mother of two, shares her transformative journey of faith and marriage. Once engrossed in a life of business and sales, Shayla experienced a spiritual rebirth in January 2023. Her newfound faith prompted her to pen a book, '10 Things I Hate About My Husband,' which delves into the complexities of marriage, addressing key issues like communication and intimacy. Shayla reveals how God's guidance helped her shift her perspective, heal past wounds, and ultimately deepen her understanding and appreciation of her marital relationship.

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Transcript

Jan: Welcome to Just Talking about Jesus. I'm Jan Johnson, a seasoned believer who loves relationships and, you know, just talking about Jesus.

Shayla Marie: I didn't let anybody know what I was struggling with. I was that person who would toxic positivity. Everyone thought, oh, Shayla's always happy. Shayla's just perfect. Shayla's just did. It was like nobody knew the inner shame and condemnation that I was feeling on the daily or the fights that my husband and I were having.

Jan: Welcome listeners. My guest today is Shayla Marie Huber. Welcome, Shayla.

Shayla Marie: Hi, Dan. Thanks for having me.

Jan: Yeah. So you are going to talk about marriage today?

Shayla Marie: Yeah, that fun topic.

Jan: The good, the bad and the ugly.

Shayla Marie: All of it. Yes.

Jan: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Shayla Marie: Yeah. So my name is Shayla. I'm from Iowa. I'm. I say I'm a rodeo wife and a lot of people are like, what is a rodeo wife? Well, my husband is a full time rodeo cowboy.

We live on a farm and so we have a very different lifestyle. We do have cattle, but his main occupation is rodeo. So he has calf horses. He's a calf roper, trains horses.

We travel a lot to rodeos all across the Midwest, even in the South. And that's pretty much his full time gig. And so I call myself a rodeo wife because I love to go with him and it's just a family environment.

And then we have two sons, Leroy is six and Wacey is almost three. And they keep us very busy. And I am a brand new author, so I've, I started as a school teacher and then I started to dabble into some online businesses so that I could stay home with my kids, rodeo with my husband and keep us together.

And I did that for about 10 years and it was awesome. And I learned a lot about business and marketing and sales and all that stuff. And it's interesting that I was a schoolteacher turned salesperson.

Never thought that would happen for me, but I just, I just was very natural. And this last year and a half is when I had brand new reborn awakening with Jesus.

January of 2023.

I really had that experience and it's changed my life. And he has transformed me into this person who is writing books and speaking on social media and things like that.

And it's been a wonderful blessing and a wonderful ride.

Jan: Isn't it neat how he layers your experiences into where you are?

Shayla Marie: He's prepared the way. And you know, for 10 years when I was doing the business stuff, there really was an idol of success there. There really was a lot of striving there.

There was a spirit of mammon where it was like, money really did control me. And I do talk about that in my book as it pertains to marriage. But what's so beautiful is that when God asked me to write this book and start doing some ministry work, how that experience of 10 years prepared me for this.

And I'm able to do videos that connect with women, and I have this relatability piece. So women who read my book and watch my videos, they're like, wow, that's me.

Like, I. I need this. And that is because of my background. So what? You know, when God says, I will turn everything to good, that the enemy meant for evil, A lot of my business journey, the enemy had a hold on it, and it was not pretty, and it was pretty yucky.

But God's like, you know what? I'm still going to use that and I'm going to turn it for good. And, man, has he really done that.

Jan: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you grow up as a. As a Christian, or did you.

Shayla Marie: Yep, I was. I've been a Christian my whole life. I'm a child of divorce, which, again, as we talk about marriage, that. That definitely has played a role in what God has taught me about marriage.

But my mother raised me as a Christian, and I had a very strong foundation, went to youth group and conferences and went to church, and I had just a really great foundation as a Christian.

But as I grew up, there were some heart wounds that I had never dealt with. I had just a lot of things from the world that. That influenced me as a young person, and I went with it, you know, like many people do.

And so, yeah, I. I wouldn't say I ever, like, turned my back on God, but I would say that I struggled with my convictions and I struggled with living out what the Bible says and to.

To, you know, the truth. And when I had my. My reborn experience in January of 2023, that's when it was just like, boom, like, never again. There's. There's no more of this gray.

There is black and there is white, and there is good and there is evil. And God has just given me this. This boldness to carry out the truth. And it's.

It's amazing. And I'm very thankful that I'm. I'm only 34, and a lot of people say, gosh, like, you're just full of wisdom and how do you know all this stuff?

And, wow, you wrote a marriage book and you've only been married for eight years and it's like, it's. It's just all. It's just all God and what he's walked me through.

And I'm very thankful.

Jan: I had a friend that called out holy boldness, you know? And it is like, all of a sudden, to get from, maybe I'll post a little couple of something, whatever, to, like, whammy.

This is who I am.

Shayla Marie: Yes, right.

Jan: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So your book is called 10 Things I Hate About My Husband.

Shayla Marie: Yes.

Jan: I don't know if I could limit. Sometimes I wonder, is 10 enough, or is it some days more, some days less?

Shayla Marie: And I get that comment every now and then, like, oh, I could have come up with 20.

But it's so funny, because when God asked me to write this book again, I'm this person I would call myself very ambitious. I would call myself.

I don't do things halfway, like God. And God has created this in me where I go all in on things. And so I said, okay, God, if you want me to write a book about marriage, you're gonna have to give me a good title.

And at that point in time, I didn't even know what he wanted me to write. Truly and honestly, I'm like, what is that special about me and Cody's marriage? What is it that?

What's the message I need to communicate? I had no idea. But it was in the shower one day, I was like, God, what do you want me to call this book?

And he said, 10 things I hate About My Husband. And it was just, like, ringing in my head over and over and over. And then he said, these are the chapters.

You're going to talk about communication. You're going to talk about money struggles. You're going to talk about intimacy. You're going to talk about being a team instead of being in competition.

Because my husband and I, I looked at him as my enemy. I looked at him as like, oh, we're in competition. And that was a lie straight from the pits of hell.

And so he laid out every chapter, and I'm like, this is genius. So I did not come up with this title. This was the marketing genius of the Lord, because it pulls people in.

And it's like, okay, me and my husband, we're fighting a lot. And I do kind of hate him right now. What is this book about? And so the tagline is how God healed my heart, restored my marriage, and set me free.

Because I realized after getting rooted in God's love and literally just resting in him, abiding in him, building my relationship with him, he showed me, hey, a lot of the things you're hating about your husband, it has nothing to do with him.

It has everything to do with your heart, posture. It has everything to do with the things you experienced as a child, being a child of divorce, having a wound of rejection.

That. That is what has been projecting on your husband. So a lot of times, the. The, you know, the yelling and the fighting and the disappointment that you feel in your husband, it's because your heart is just yearning for me.

It was yearning for Jesus. And I had no idea that I had made my husband. I'm kind of going on a tangent, but I had made my husband my savior.

And so many women do this. And I had made my marriage an idol because I wanted that to fill me. I wanted that to bring me all the joy and happiness and fulfillment that I thought.

Well, I thought I was entitled to. Right? That's what the world tells us is marriage is supposed to, like, be this thing for you. And when it's not and when it's hard and when your husband's disappointing you, you think, oh, what now?

You know, oh, maybe I chose the wrong person. Maybe I need to give up. And those are all the lies of the world coming at you. And so this book truly highlights the lies I believed about my own marriage, the wounds that I had as a child that God has been healing in me and delivering me from, and how to change a perspective on your husband, and how to let God's love flow out of you.

And it's. And again, it's only been a year and almost two years, and my marriage is the best it has ever, ever been.

Jan: Did your husband go, who is this person? I don't even know.

Shayla Marie: He really did. Like, I was a different person. And the Bible says, you will become a new creation. And I did. I. I became a new creation. But what's so beautiful?

You know the scripture that says you will lose your life, right, in order to follow Jesus. But you.

You. You will gain, right? You will lose your life, but you will gain, you know, in Jesus, I can't remember what the whole scripture is. We'll have to. We'll have to add that in.

But that's what happened to me is it's like I lost my life that I was clinging to, and. And I became this version of Shayla that he always wanted me to be and always planned for me to be.

And it's like I found my true self because I found the Holy Spirit. And I found how when he leads me and guides me I am exactly who I'm supposed to be, loving the people in my life the way that they're supposed to be loved.

And I'm allowing God to love me, which I hadn't done, you know, most of my Christian walk. I was almost scared of God's love. I. Or I was almost like, I'm not sure he loves me the way he loves other people.

I'm not sure he cares about my problems the way he cares about other people's problems. And I think that that came from an orphan spirit is where that came from.

And God truly delivered me from that and said, no, you are not an orphan. You are a daughter of God. And I started walking as a daughter of God. And when I started walking in, that identity changed everything.

Jan: Identity is everything. Yeah. How wonderful that at your age, you finally have got that, because a lot of people don't get that till they're way older.

Shayla Marie: My identity was in a lot of what I did. So it was my job or my business, or even being a mom, even being a wife. When your identity is rooted in.

In those things, you're constantly striving and you're constantly trying to be better and trying to do more. And I always thought, you know, God sees the things that I do.

He doesn't see me. You know, he doesn't actually see me. But when he delivered me from the orphan spirit, that's what he said. He said, I love you for you, not for what you do for you.

I was like, well, that's a revelation. That's incredible. And I. I was able to just rest in that revelation and rest in that knowledge of he loves me for me, not for what I do.

And so I. For about three months, I stopped doing anything. I was just going on walks with him and reading my Bible and just reveling in this newfound freedom that he was.

He was giving me. And it was about 3. 3 months to the day when he asked me to write this book. And this book, it's truly an overflow of spending time with him.

It's an overflow of his love. It's not. I had, you know, I researched for 20 years, and I studied for 20 years, and I went to seminary. And no, this is just my testimony.

This is just my testimony of what God can do in a person's life. And the perspective shifts he gave me and the truth he gave me of how to do life, of how to do marriage.

It's incredible. It's just an overflow of Him. And I'm so thankful.

Jan: I think what Happens too, is those of us who are doers, you know, are a get er done kind of people. And you get an idea and you just whammo right through it.

And whatever part of that does become our identity, you know, is that's what we do. And it's just like who we are. And so we don't always. It's almost like works in a way, you know, just relaxing and being in his presence and taking some time to do that.

So. Yeah.

Shayla Marie: Yes.

Jan: And part of it's our nature, I think we're. We're prone. We're more prone to be like that. Yeah.

Shayla Marie: Yep. Absolutely.

Jan: Yeah. So what is on your list of 10 things?

Shayla Marie: So 10 things I hate about my husband. It began with money struggles. I would say that was one of my husband and I's top issues because I was more of a saver, he was more of a spender.

It was just like we were completely on opposite ends of the spectrum. And as God began to deliver me right from the spirit of mammon, which was basically saying, I'm not safe without a certain amount of money in my bank account.

And, you know, I was trying to control what my husband did with his money. And it was just a poverty mindset, right? All of these things.

So he really opened my eyes to all of that. So I talk a lot about money. I talk about communication, I talk about being a team with your husband. This one, this was probably one of the most impactful things that I experienced with my marriage.

Because I'll just tell you this story really quick. It is in my book, but I'll tell it to you.

I had an inner healing session. This would have been 2020. Okay. So the year of COVID I had started a brand new online business. I was really looking forward to doing it differently.

This was the third company I want to do this differently. And I want to partner with God in my business, which we know. Absolutely. There's Kingdom business. And so I had this inner healing session that I had ordered this program to really learn how to partner with God in your business.

And in this inner healing session, I was hoping that God would give me a word on my business booming, right? I'm like, oh, God's gonna tell me that I'm gonna have a million dollar business and.

And God's gonna show me what to do. And I literally came into that conversation thinking business. And what happened was through my, you know, sister in Christ who was across the street, it was a zoom call, but she was right there praying with me and asking me about you know, where is it that you feel happiest?

She literally asked that simple question, where is it that you feel happiest? And the first thing that popped in my head was helping my husband rope. Helping my husband rope.

That is. That is where I feel happiest and joyful, which is really interesting, because that was not very a happy place in our reality life. Because I would be thinking, I have so much to do.

I don't want to slow down to help him. I have so much to do. Or I'd be on my phone and I'd be trying to message people, and my husband would be mad at me because then I wasn't present when I would help my husband.

But in this inner healing session, she said, where do you feel happiest? I said, helping my husband rope. Because I think, and I believe that that was a desire of my heart.

And so she continued to facilitate this encounter with Jesus and that. You're helping your husband rope. Where's your husband? Where are you? So my husband is in the box, and he is getting ready to rope, and I'm pushing the chute down.

And so that's in this vision. And now I understand that I was having a vision. Now I understand at that point in time, I didn't understand that I was having a vision.

And so she said, okay, where is Jesus? And I said, he's right. He's right here behind us. And he starts walking closer and closer and closer. And she said, what does Jesus want you to know?

And he said to me, you and your husband are a team. You and your husband are a team. And I just broke down sobbing because that was the biggest desire of my heart, is for me and my husband to not be at odds with each other anymore, to not be fighting so much and to truly be a team.

And I didn't know that that's what Jesus wanted for, was 20, that vision. Okay? And here we are 2024. And my husband and I, we are a team. We are living out that reality.

And I wrote a whole entire book about marriage and what God says about it and how to create that kingdom, marriage. And I do believe that that vision in 2020, that was, you know, just the very beginning of.

Of this walk that God would. Would call me to. And it's been the most beautiful thing.

Jan: What did you have to change to become a team?

Shayla Marie: I had to put God first. I had to put God first. And it almost sounds backwards right where I. I just.

And this would have been 20, 23 when I really started pursuing God. Full throttle. I kind of put my husband to the side, and I said, God, you are my need.

You are my everything. I'm not going to worry about my husband's flaws anymore. I'm not going to worry about him disappointing me or any expectations. Because I was somebody that had a lot of expectations, right?

Like, I need you to do this, this, and this in order for me to be happy, okay? And God was like, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how this works.

Okay? You need to surrender him to me, and you need to focus on me and you. Because when I did that, he. He loved me. I received his love. He convicted me of the things I needed to be convicted of, the things I needed to put down.

So that business I was talking about put it down, didn't he? I literally put it down.

He just. We spent time together, and my heart was transformed, and my mind. I was also renewing my mind, and he was transforming my heart all at the same time.

And that's an ongoing process, right? It's almost like that will never. That will never end.

Jan: Called sanctification.

Shayla Marie: Sanctification, yes. And that was, like, the beginning of my sanctification.

And I put my to the side, and lo and behold, because I was transforming, I was softer towards my husband. I wasn't yelling at him. We were. I was quick to forgive him, or I was quick to apologize.

And slowly but surely, like, my husband began to soften towards me. And you could feel the Holy Spirit come into our home. You could feel his presence, and it just changed everything.

So then it was literally God helping us become a team. It wasn't me figuring it out. And I think a lot of people tried to do that, right? We're like, no, I've got to fix it.

I've got to figure it out. And it was like, no. The more I just put God first, the more he showed up in my husband and in my heart. But it's like, before he was ever going to change and do the things I wanted him to do, like help me with the dishes or take out the trash or anything, God was like, I work on you first.

And that takes. I do believe that that takes a willing heart, and that takes a humble heart. And the women who are willing to do that, they see breakthrough and they see fruit in their marriage when they're like, you know what?

It's not about him. It's about me and God. And that's when God shows up, and it's awesome.

Jan: Called surrender.

Shayla Marie: Yes.

Jan: There you go.

Shayla Marie: Okay.

Jan: Because to begin with, it's like, what's gonna happen if I do this? You know, really what is gonna happen? But then you, little by little, God shows you those little tiny things that you see the difference in.

Shayla Marie: And yeah, absolutely. I love talking about a surrendered life because it's like you're on a cliff and God is asking you to jump, and he's asking you to truly trust him with everything.

With your finances, with your relationship, with your money, with everything. And you're like, but if I jump and I put it all in your hands, like, I'm not in control anymore.

And as somebody who was a perfectionist, was somebody type A personality, I was like, oh, my gosh. But here's the thing. Here's why I could do it. Because I had such a radical encounter with him, and I felt how much he loved me.

It all came to love for me because when I wasn't receiving his love and I. And I didn't understand my identity in him. Surrender is very hard, right? You're like, no, there's no way I could do that.

But when I was like, nope, your love is the best thing I have ever felt on this side of heaven. You're never gonna let me down. You're never going to, like, lead me astray.

I trust you with everything. That's where I was able to surrender and jump off that cliff. And he has improved my finances. He has improved my relationships. He has given me revelation.

He has made me into this person that he always knew I could be.

But I had. I had to, like, surrender it. And it all happened because of his love. And it. It's just what I want every single person to experience, really and truly.

Jan: I was in a counseling session once and having to let go of something, and he says, so what would happen if you just let go? And I'm going, do what? Like, you know.

And it. It was like, take this helium balloon and just unleash your fingers and let it go. And it's like, oh, okay. And then it's kind of. You are like, can I.

Where are you in between when you're waiting for what's going to happen next? Because it is a little scary to let go.

Shayla Marie: Yeah, it absolutely is. And I know, even writing this book, I can tell you I experienced the worst spiritual warfare of my entire life. I had days where I'm like, I can't do this.

The fear was so real. And, like, the devil was just like, you know, almost daily. And it was, yeah, sanctification. But it was also absolute spiritual warfare. And a lot of people are like, you know, how do you get through that?

You just do. You feel the fear, and you trust God anyways, and you keep going. And he is the only way that I was able to publish this book, because it is very personal.

It's very vulnerable. I say, you know, this book shows the ugliest pieces of who I used to be. That's not fun to tell the world, right, how ugly you were.

And I was so scared of judgment. I was so scared, what are my husband's friends gonna think of me? What's my family gonna think of me? Because all of this stuff I had buried, I didn't let anybody know what I was struggling with.

I was that person who would. Toxic positivity. Everyone thought, oh, Shayla's always happy. Shayla's just perfect. Shayla's just did. It was like nobody knew the inner shame and condemnation that I was feeling on the daily or the fights that my husband and I were having.

Nobody else knew that. And so having to share that with the world was terrifying. And the enemy tried so hard to get me to stay quiet, but God continually said, you have a voice.

It is about your voice. Women need this encouragement. They need this hope. And my gosh, I've sold probably close to 9,000 of these things. And the response is, how did you know?

How did you know I was going through that? That is my story, too. This book is changing everything for me. And it's like, that's all it is, is my story.

Women seeing themselves in my story and being pointed to the truth. And the truth is what God says, not what the world says, what God says, and it's life changing.

Jan: Well, and I think when, you know, first of all, there isn't light unless there's darkness. When there's darkness, the light shines in. So you have to tell, you know, there's no transformation if you don't say where you came from to where you are now, that it's just where you are now.

You're still the same bubbly everything everybody saw before, but they don't know you know? And you're right, because that's where you relate to those things. And I think the thing that you keep going to, even in the darkest places, is you have to have those list of scriptures that confirms who you are in Christ and what he thinks of you and what his promises are, because you keep reading those, then it's like, first of all, Satan has a flea, and it reaffirms, and that's what you grab onto.

That's that thing that you, you know.

Shayla Marie: Yeah, absolutely.

Jan: So we're almost out of time. Tell us where people can find you.

Shayla Marie: Yeah, my TikTok is where I do the most. I would say teaching. And so if that's in the show, notes Shayla Huber, 30 on TikTok and my name is Shayla Marie Huber on there.

And then my website is shaylamariehuber.com you can find my book there. I do sign all of my books. Or you can also order on Amazon if you like the, you know, two day shipping.

Even though I do, I do pretty quick shipping myself. I could be a competitor to Amazon. But yeah, that's. That's definitely where you can find me.

Jan: Okay. And you have Instagram too?

Shayla Marie: I do have Instagram, yep. It's Shailen mariehuber over on Instagram too.

Jan: Oh, perfect. Perfect. Thank you so much. This is going to be such a delight and I'm sure a help for many, many women. What? Last question. What did your husband think of your book?

Shayla Marie: Great question. I remember telling him about it and crying because I was so scared. And he said, if God asked you to do it, you need to do it. But he also said, did you really hate me?

You know, did you really hate me? And I said, babe, I said, it's not that I hated you. It's that I was so broken and my heart was so yearning for Jesus that I didn't know what I wanted.

I didn't know up from down half the time. Right. I was just hurting. And so it's again, my. I've never. I never claimed that my husband was perfect. And he definitely has been seeing things like, oh, I could do this better.

And you know, when we're both growing in that. But to know that, hey, it's not necessarily that I hated you, it's that I was projecting things onto you that were rooted in my past.

And once God healed me from that, oh my word. Like you getting home late because the cows got out again, not triggering me anymore because now I understand that was a wound of rejection from a long time ago.

God's healing that in me. And I can have grace for you. I can have grace for you when you come home a little bit late because of responsibilities that you can't necessarily help.

And he has been nothing but supportive. I do. In the back of the book, I do have a 10 things I love about my husband. Little little epilogue so people know it really, truly is a marriage that I believe was very divinely orchestrated for this purpose of sanctification.

Marriage is not about making you happy. It is about making you more holy. And when you can start to understand that and grab a hold of, hey, I want to transform.

I want to be more like Jesus. And this is what it takes is looking inside that I think is when the most fruitful marriages blossom.

Jan: Yeah. Yeah. Well, so now you truly love him Till the cows come home.

Shayla Marie: Yeah, exactly.

Jan: Taylor Marie, thank you so much.

Shayla Marie: Yes, thanks for having me.

Jan: That's all for today.

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