Donna Geertz: Journey from Anger to Forgiveness: A Tale of Grace

CHRISTY
Love God First podcast


Have you been in a place of needing to forgive a parent for abuse?
It's a hard place to be.

But God can change our hearts and minds. He's amazing that way.

This episode features Donna sharing her heartfelt testimony of growing up with an angry mother in a seemingly devout family. 

Despite her mother's abusive behavior, Donna found solace in her faith early on, though she struggled with anger during her teenage years. 

Through a courageous act of confrontation and prayer, Donna was able to forgive her mother and lead her to Christ. 

This powerful narrative highlights the transformative power of faith, forgiveness, and God’s guidance.

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Transcript

[00:02] Jan: Welcome to just talking about Jesus. I'm Jan Johnson, a seasoned believer who loves relationships and, you know, just talking about Jesus. Okay. Welcome. Donna Geetz. Nice to have you here today.

[00:17] Donna Geertz: I have really enjoyed this evening so far, Jan. It's really been fun.

[00:22] Jan: Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if you would tell me what your testimony is. How did you come to the Lord?

[00:28] Donna Geertz: Well, I was raised in the church, and so I really am one of those that have to think back and see, was there a certain point that I remember praying to receive back in the day? We would say praying to receive Christ or inviting him into my heart, because my earliest memories are that he was in my life, and as a child, because of the circumstances that I was in, I so needed him. So all of my remembrance is having him there always. So I don't have a date.

[01:19] Jan: Yeah. Was there. When do you think there might have been a defining moment for you to where you stepped into a deeper relationship?

[01:28] Donna Geertz: Well, my memories that God in my childhood was my best friend, and then I myself sometimes would wonder, well, when did he become my best friend? And so all I have to compare it with is, growing up, I can remember because of what was in my childhood that was handed down from my mother and her demeanor and lots of anger there that I think at a point maybe real early on, maybe five to six in there, I was angry. How do I know that? I was always outside. I loved the woods. I loved playing ball up at the neighbor's house. And I had friends that back in the day would travel, you know, blocks and blocks away from home to go play or be in a field catching butterflies or, you know, blowing dandelion seeds, that I would say I can remember some relationships or a relationship with a best friend, and we weren't real nice to more of a meek little girl in the neighborhood. And so I look back at that time and think, maybe that was a time when I really didn't have the Lord as my personal savior. I'd catch bugs and make a home for them and try and train them. And the bug circus. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know that my training methods were all that gentle for the poor bugs. So that could have been when I was. I didn't know the Lord.

[03:36] Jan: What was it like as a teenager? Did you go to church more or have a deeper relationship at that point or.

[03:42] Donna Geertz: My dad was the leader in our family, and he led us to be in the church always. I never can remember not ever going to church. And my mother followed him. And yet I look at films. I look at slides, and as a teenager, I looked very angry. I would say maybe junior high. I had a heyday in high school and there was a reason I would spend as much time as I could outside of the home and doing so much activity. As a teenager, I did a lot of swimming and was out for every sport. But as I look back, it was a way to, to be busy, to not be at home. And like I say, I had, I had a real angry mother. And my dad, though, led a youth camp, and I was out there before I was able to be old enough to be out there. And so that was fun. But at the same time, when I look at those slides, probably late grade school, junior high, when I was out at the camp, and I see in my face that it was just an angry face at what I felt like I couldn't control going on at home.

[05:14] Jan: So, yeah, yeah.

[05:16] Donna Geertz: So there my go to was always the Lord. You know, I had a good news for modern man Bible. I was in youth group and sang and the Jesus. Well, the sixties were the time of a lot of unrest with the youth and the going against the white collar and stoic churches. So I was very aware of that going on. And like I say, my own inner not being able to reconcile the Christian peace that I should have and how God was going to work out my own circumstances with the things that I knew that God does have for us. So that's thus my face when I see myself in those pictures.

[06:11] Jan: Yeah, you're obviously not that angry person anymore.

[06:15] Donna Geertz: No.

[06:15] Jan: When did that change?

[06:18] Donna Geertz: This is what the delightful story is. I think I was one that was hard to raise, so my dad said, hardest to raise, so I spoke my mind. And like I say, I think I, I didn't like what was the dichotomy of going to church as a family. But my mother, on the other hand, even though she followed my father, she never spoke about God. And so because of her own childhood and growing up without a father and the fears that she had, and they say fear produces rage, she would go into these rages and she would beat me and I'd be against a wall and she would pull up my hair and I'd fill out a garbage can. Fill up a garbage can full of hair. After she'd leave my room. My brother still mentions some of this to this day, and then she'd get it out of her system and then she could flip to being just not angry because it was kind of release for her. But I went to school with black eyes, or once I did. I can remember that. And. And so. But nobody ever, you know, nobody ever knew. I mean, maybe in current standards, maybe if somebody knew, I would have been taken out of the home. I don't know. My father worked a swing shift, so this would usually happen when he. He was not there. Now, the two boys on either side of me, the older one could make her laugh so he could get out of trouble. The younger one was kind of born so much later that he was kind of a delight for my folks. 

So I am not angry now. And this is totally what God did, which was amazing. I went off to college, and I came home in interim times. And then my mother still was hard to deal with. All kind of fast forward. My father always thought that she would go first, but he. He did. 

And so fast forward. My mother needed taking care of when my dad wasn't there for her because she cooked and cleaned and followed him into church. And he was the leader. He was the one that was on his knees sometimes when the door would be cracked and praying in his room. And me, on the other hand, like I referred to in childhood, God was my best friend. And after, you know, these episodes, he would just minister to me. And so he was there. He was there in the midst of that trial. But as I say, as an adult, there came a time when mom needed help, and so she didn't know how to do certain things that were provided for her. My dad acted as a cover so I could help her from afar by supporting her, calling her on the phone, and also getting into her finances a little bit to help her when she maybe didn't cancel insurance at the time when she needed to and save her money and just be there for her. 

But getting to the change, God led me to confront her one day, and she, at this point, had stays in and out of the hospital, but she, in between her health episode, she lived by herself with support from my brother locally and myself in another town. And so I arranged for. I asked my brother if he would go with me. And because I've been led to step away from her and help her from afar because of these, still, the anger was still there. God led me to go to her and confront her with her anger and her behavior, which was characteristic of me growing up.

[10:41] Jan: That had to been a God thing, because it would take a lot of courage to do that.

[10:44] Donna Geertz: Yes, it was bathed in prayer, and I had such, such confirmation and such confidence that it was his wooing in that direction. And so we did enter her house one day. I started with mom, I love you very, very much, and I would like to bring up some things that were in the past that were part of my growing up that was very hard and was wrong. And so little by little, I brought up mom. Remember when. Remember this? It was hard for her. It was almost like she wanted to, you know, put up a shield, you know, wince over the words, but I got through it. And again, it was just total peace. God orchestrated it really nicely.

[11:40] Jan: Yeah.

[11:41] Donna Geertz: And it was. It was very healing for me.

[11:44] Jan: So you were able to get to a place of forgiveness, that is.

[11:47] Donna Geertz: I'm glad you brought that up, because that, yes, totally, totally happened. And I will tell you, I feel like God just sewed it up in a nice little bow for me, every bit of it. She was in the hospital at one stay. She was short. She had a role at her local church, and it was the greeter. She barely stood above the podium where she greeted people. They can barely see her. So that very same church, when she was in the hospital, sent elders up to see her in the hospital and visit. And I knew that now what I need to bring up is that just prior to this hospital stay, I had met with friends from my church, and they had just finished a course on how to lead someone to Christ. 

And so I remembered the questions that they were sharing with me on that very subject. So I knew of these elders that had come to visit in the hospital, and I thought I would call her and just support her while she was there one afternoon. So I called her and I referred to visitors, and then she said that lunch was here and would I call her back. And lunch. Food was very important to my mom. She spent a lot of time in the kitchen, and baskets were brought to her as a child growing up because they were very poor and, like I say, without a father. So food, I knew, took preeminence there when she said that her lunch was there, and I needed to let her go, and I purposed to call her back that evening. 

That evening rolled around, and I remember the Holy Spirit reminded me that she asked for me to call her back. I was in tears because of some other family things, and I didn't want to. It was kind of the last thing I wanted to do. But the Holy Spirit was very, very prominent, and I needed to put my feelings aside and obey. So I did call her, and she, you know, was. Was available, and I thought that I would ask her those questions that my friends had learned out of their class. So the first question was, mom, not that this would happen. But if you were to die tonight, where would you go? I'm going to be in heaven. Would you go to heaven? And she said, well, I hope so. And so I knew I was to ask the follow up question, which is, on what basis? Cognitively, she wouldn't have understood that. And so I put it a different way. I said, well, why do you think you would be in heaven? And she said, a perfect colloquialism. This is her to a t. She said, well, I practice what I preach. He never talked about goddess, but that was. I mean, I could hear her saying that. And so I said, well, mom, I'm going to be there, and I would love for you to be there with me. And would you like to pray a prayer with me? And so that you know, for sure. And just like a little child, she said, yes.

[15:31] Jan: Really?

[15:31] Donna Geertz: Yes. And I said, lord, please help me say the right components of this prayer. And so I prayed with her, and I said something like, dear lord, I know I'm a sinner. And she repeated these phrases after me, and I'd like for you to come into my life, my heart. I want to live it for you. And I thank you for doing that. Something on that order. So one time, she mixed up the pronouns in it, in the prayer, and I thought, lord, should I go back over it?

[16:08] Jan: I'm pretty sure God knows.

[16:11] Donna Geertz: Well, I really was wondering which way to go on that. Well, I ended up going back, and she repeated the correct way to say it and didn't get angry at all.

[16:26] Jan: And another sign, it was a God thing.

[16:28] Donna Geertz: Well, it was. It was. And so afterwards, and I'll have to say, when we grew up, we were never told, I love you. We weren't really hugged. We were. Said a prayer. Now I lay me down to sleep. So at the end of this prayer, my mother said for the very first time, Donna, I love you very, very much. And so that was precious.

[17:00] Jan: That had been a teary moment.

[17:02] Donna Geertz: Yes, yes, it was. And it was just really evident that God was in this whole evening, in this whole conversation, and had done a work in both of you. Well, yes. Yes. It was a real special time of coming together. Yeah.

[17:24] Jan: Now, you do a lot of in depth Bible studies. Where did that start, that desire to do that?

[17:32] Donna Geertz: Oh, you know, I'll tell you, Jan, I had a habit as a youth, whether it was, you know, just my dad with his example of being firm in his faith and on his knees and in the Bible. And my grandfather was a very, very precious example of a humble Christian whether it's just all the youth groups I was in, I loved the word of God, and I always saw it as the place of refuge from my hard times there in the home. And so ritually, in a good way, I never turned out the light without that good news for modern man reading it. And even during the, what you would call the Jesus movement, I was very attuned to, could God give me even more, draw me even closer? So that would have been 1970 1971, college year, 72. But I knew of all those events. 

I knew God was using the youth, and I wanted to be part of it. So that desire, for his spirit and his word to be very evident, was there as, like I say, my rock, my go to something very stable for me. I will say one other thing. I attended Mountain Park church, and I was at a prayer meeting once. There was a lady there that was brought in with the pastor's wife, who was leading our prayer group, and she was giving just some words of wisdom. And she came to me and said that you have tried to forgive and God is going to heal everything. She said that you will give out the word. You will go on and give out the word. And so without even really thinking about that, because it was such a place of truth that could minister to me, I always have done it in a little snippet. God just grew, you know, he just grew the rest of it into more of a formalized, if you will, study.

[19:58] Jan: You've been to Israel?

[19:59] Donna Geertz: I have. I have.

[20:01] Jan: How has that affected your understanding of the word?

[20:04] Donna Geertz: And that's a great question. I love to. I love to think about, because I see God as sovereignly arranging all that. It was never, you know, a goal, but he slowly started to give me an understanding of his own people and how precious they were. And I think a lot of that was hearing other mentor Bible teachers, love Israel, love, love the Jewish people. And that caught on for me. And so my first time going there was 2016. It was like I was home. It was just really special, so customized, seemingly for me, as if I could visualize just always being there, which is in our future during the millennial reign. And so being there was exciting to certainly walk where Jesus walked, on the south depths of the temple, plus just, you know, just seeing firsthand what you always heard about and read about a trip you'd recommend. Yeah, yeah. I just felt like it was. Just had a special air about it. I just thank the Lord for all his direction and the early things he shapes us with, for example, my childhood. I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I truly mean that, because when God does a healing, you see that his hand, however, he put all of the pieces together somehow beyond yourself. You know, it makes you who you are. It's like the beauty for ashes that any other different way, and I wouldn't have been who I was gone the direction I'd gone. And I, quite frankly, miss my mother.

[22:14] Jan: Yeah.

[22:14] Donna Geertz: So can I tell a little antidote to that experience about the prayer on the phone? I was kind of known as the stain getter outer for my family. And my mother, she had macular degeneration in those latter years, so she'd be in her house and it would be dim lighting. Our family always liked to light lamps, but not a whole lot of overhead. Just kind of have that soft lamp look. So I'd sometimes be down visiting, and I'd see in her drawers that. That she had clothes with stains. And so that was one way I could help her from afar, actually, is take her clothes home and get the stains out and then, you know, dry them and bring them back. 

Well, one day I did get home with a white dress, and I got the stains out and put it back. And then when we moved her to a home, when she finally wanted to give up her own house, I had gotten too much for her. So she moved into a place called Park Place, and it was smaller. So then when she got ill there and actually finally went on hospice there, I was given a room right underneath her that happened to be vacant. Yeah. And I kept saying to hospice, let me know when the time comes, and I'll wake up whatever hour and come up. 

And I missed the first night I was there, but nothing, you know, she didn't pass away then. And the next night I got in there and went right before I got in the door, which was her, because she always toddled along ahead of us, you know, mom, wait, your purse. You're this, you're that. But she just was like an energizer bunny. And so she passed away that particular night. And the undertaker, when he came, asked me if I would send along some clothes to provide for her. So here is the wonderful thing, is that when I opened the drawer, I knew exactly what to send.

[24:26] Jan: Yeah.

[24:26] Donna Geertz: And it was the dress, the white dress without the stains in it. And God tied up everything so precious for me that it was just total closure.

[24:37] Jan: That's beautiful. Yeah. Well, thank you for being vulnerable enough to share those things with us and too. Yeah. What a blessing.