Jackie Dighans: Discover the Path to Triumph Amid Life's Trials

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Did you know that I have ten kids? That's right! Boggles the mind, right?

My guest today, Jackie Dighans also has ten children.
Sometimes juggling a household of humans can be overwhelming.
It can give you anxiety.

That's where Jackie was. But GOD
Showed her a different way.
He showed her how to let go of one thing at a time and focus on him.
Listen in to her story.

https://www.youtube.com/@JustTalkinAboutJesus

https://jan-johnson.com/

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https://janjohnsonauthor.substack.com/

https://www.youtube.com/@JustTalkinAboutJesus

Thanks for listening!

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Transcript

[00:02] Jan: Welcome to just talking about Jesus. I'm Jan Johnson, a seasoned believer who loves relationships and, you know, just talking about Jesus. Jackie Dighans, welcome to just talking about Jesus. Glad you're here.

[00:18] Jackie: Thank you for having me. I'm excited to have a conversation with you.

[00:23] Jan: Yeah, yeah. So we have in common ten kids. The difference is I believe you gave birth to all of them.

[00:33] Jackie: I did. We had them one at a time. So I was pregnant or nursing for almost 20 years. It was 19 years, I think is the span.

[00:43] Jan: So, yeah, I have 20 years between nine. So I gave birth to six, but three with my first husband, he had a brain tumor and died. And so I had my three there. And then five years later, I married Ed, my present husband. He had two natural and two adopted, so we combined seven kids. And then he says, well, how about having one more? And I'm thinking, because the two youngest, our two youngest were each seven. And I'm thinking, oh, yeah, yeah. So for a little while, I know I'm just kind of boy. And so I had Jed and I think, well, I don't want to just tag along, you know, because, yeah, I just couldn't see how that was going to work really. Well, he was going to need his own playmate. And so I got pregnant right away with Emily. And then about six months later, I got pregnant again and cried for three days. Oh, my Gosh.

[01:53] Jackie: Yeah, I know the feeling of like, I already have a baby.

[01:58] Jan: You know, I already have two babies and now I'm gonna have three in diapers and I'm. Anyway, so. Yeah, we know all of that, right?

[02:09] Jackie: Yeah. Well, look at the full life you've had.

[02:14] Jan: No, and I wouldn't trade any of them.

[02:18] Jackie: Yeah, it's true. Yeah. It's an amazing journey having a larger family, for sure.

[02:25] Jan: Yeah. Mine are all out of the house now, so I've got a little bit of space there. But anyway, so I imagine somewhere along your story you had some anxiety or I. Things that just kind of were making it hard to parent ten kids or to be in your situation. Tell me about that.

[02:47] Jackie: Yeah. You know, when God called us to raise a large family, I was an overwhelmed mom of three. And I just heard God's call like this. What about this? And so we decided to take one at a time. But as I went on that journey, I really. I didn't know who I was, so it made it very difficult. You know, I was insecure, I didn't know who I was in Christ. And so it did make it difficult at first to deal with the children love them the way I really wanted to. And I remember when I had six kids, and I was sitting on my couch holding the baby and tears streaming down my face, and all I felt was anxiety all over my body, and I was in my own home doing my own chores, my own. And I thought, how can I get out of this? You know? Like, I didn't want to live that way. But, you know, I think so often, that's all I knew growing up. That's all you heard people just about that.

[04:16] Jackie: Oh, yeah. I think, you know, that's all. Anyway, in my family, that's kind of all we knew was just worrying about things or, you know, being anxious about. And so I, right then and there was like, God, I need your help. I need your wisdom in raising this family and how to get the chores done. And I wanted. I really wanted to do it his way. And that was when I looked up on the wall, and a friend had given me a verse. She had gotten two of them, and she said, do you want one of these? I got too. And I'm like, okay. You know, figure any verse is good, you know? But really, I know God picked it for me, and especially for moment as I looked up on my wall. And what it said was, it was from psalm 127. And it said, unless the Lord build the house, those who build it labor in vain. And right then and there, I was like, God, I do not want to do this in vain, you know, walk through it my own way, you know, all full of anxiety, all worried about the laundry, concerned about how to keep the house clean and whether I was doing the kids right or not, and the disciplining. And that was when I just asked him to build the house, you know, to build the family, to build my marriage, all the things. And it took me stepping back and yielding to what I heard him saying for me to do next, believing I was led as a child of God, led by the spirit of God, and just. Just believing that he was with me in this process and choosing to obey and not be anxious. Like the word says, do not be anxious. Well, that's a command, actually, you know, so I had to start just, like, setting that down and setting down my own wants and desires and just picking up his. Okay, what's next? What do you want me to do next here? And learning to listen and follow.

[06:42] Jan: Sounds like you exchanged the voices in your head for what God was telling you, because I think when, you know, I'm anxious or I talk to other people and they've got anxiety, it's like, what is. What is. What are the voices in your head that are telling you that you have to have something a certain way, you know, like, you have to not have any laundry on your camouflage. You need to. To read a certain amount of stories to your kids every day, or you need to have kids that don't fight or you. Whatever, you know, you need to have dinner every day, a certain, you know, all of the basics. You mean vegetables and your. Whatever. To be a good mom. Right, right.

[07:29] Jackie: It's true. And, yeah, we have so many of these expectations that we've put on ourselves and probably what we've grown up with hearing as well. You know, it's got to be this way. Well, I started learning to. I remember we went on quite a long family vacation and came home and there were mountains of laundry, literally, that you can relate without that many kids.

[07:58] Jan: At one point, I counted over 120 pairs of shoes in my house. Oh.

[08:05] Jackie: I mean, it's a real thing. It's like, if you let them have ten stuffed animals each, you're gonna have 100 stuffed animals. So it is a true thing. But, you know, I remember deciding I wasn't going to make those mountains of laundry mean anything or disturb my peace, because he says in the word, he is our peace. So it means we already have it. But a lot of times we either don't know, we can have peace already, or we choose to lay it down and continue walking in the flesh, or, you know, in our old ways, you know? And I just was like, no, I'm just doing one load at a time. And if it takes me all week or two weeks, okay, we're just gonna do one load at a time and not be moved. You know that scripture in acts that talks about. It's in him that I live and move and have my being. That's what I was like. I am not going to let all this stuff move me. You know what I mean? Like, get me out of peace. I'm going to let him me.

[09:27] Jan: And I think part of, you know, part of all of that, too, is sitting back and thinking, well, I don't have to do all this myself. You know, I do have kids that can help out and can be responsible and, you know, can take some of the load off, too, because I think that's part of the thinking, oh, well, you know, I have to be the one, you know, because I'm the queen mom. And I need to, you know.

[09:51] Jackie: Yeah, my title. This is what I'm supposed to do.

[09:56] Jan: Right.

[09:56] Jackie: But in. When are our kids gonna learn if we don't start handing it over to them? As soon as.

[10:04] Jan: Yeah.

[10:05] Jackie: You know. So I learned to be very good at delegating and being more of a manager of the home, rather. Yes, I had my hands in things, of course, but trusting the kids, even if they did it wrong several times, just being okay with imperfection and the process of training them, learning to enjoy that.

[10:35] Jan: Yeah. How was your husband? Was he expecting certain things from you as a mom or as a wife?

[10:44] Jackie: He was pretty busy with business, so it was almost like I was raising kids and doing the home stuff, and then he was out working and on the job, and we would come together with, like, I would say, why don't the kids and I come help plant this? Because we had a greenhouse landscape company. So I would say, why don't the kids and I come out and plant all these for you or, you know, just be a part. But he was also. I don't know if he expected so much from me, but often I would take on his feelings or if he was upset. I felt like, okay, I got to do something to, I don't know, change the situation. And so he had a lot more stress in his life, and he just walked in that. And so I remember the day when I stopped letting how he was feeling affect me. Of course I cared. I didn't let it. I had to guard my heart. Right. And just, okay, if that's the way you're going to deal with that. I'm not. And just being willing to trust my heart with God there and do what I can to support my husband. I wanted to be submissive. I wanted to not just go off on my own independently, you know, but.

[12:26] Jan: Yeah. Yeah, right. How much do you think anxiety plays into our possible identity that isn't a true God, the way God wants to see us?

[12:41] Jackie: Right. It's a huge thing. I think it's the way I look at it. I believe these scriptures are in Corinthians, but he talks about all things being new in Christ. The old passed away and all things new. And so I started walking in that newness, like, you know, laying down those old ways. What I pictured it as was if we're. If I was to continue to walk in anxiety, which is, I believe it's the disobedience, it can be a habit that we feel like we can't get out of, but it's actually disobeying God. He tells us so many times not to fear. He tells us not to be anxious. And I realize I'm like, I'm not obeying him if I'm letting that stay, you know? But then I pictured it from that scripture about all things new in Christ. The old passed away. If we keep picking up those. Those fleshly ways, those things we used to do before Christ, then it's like we're carrying a dead man, our old self, like, over our shoulders. It's heavy. That's why we feel weighed down. It stinks like the things that come out of our mouths when we are walking in our old ways. It's rotten. It doesn't fit us anymore. That's why we are, like, coming across in a way that isn't who we are anymore. But so often we're more comfortable with that. And we want to keep picking up the old self and walking in it, but it doesn't do anyone good, because we're supposed to have the aroma of Christ. We're supposed to be walking in the fruits of the spirit. And those, yes, we develop, but we have them right as we come into Christ. And they will grow and develop as we use, you know, walk in them.

[14:50] Jan: Yeah. I think when. If you can picture, I mean, the scriptures have to come live to you, and they have to be. You have to be able to see that. That God that's telling us not to be anxious is really our daddy.

[15:05] Jackie: Yeah.

[15:06] Jan: You know, it's like saying, don't, don't worry about it. Don't, don't be afraid. Because I am everything you need, you know? And if we can really step into the fact that we are his child, that he loves totally and unconditionally, and he is bigger than any problem that we've got, and he can't change our mind and our mindsets, you know, as to how we perceive things, so that, you know. Yeah. So we can become a new creation.

[15:37] Jackie: Yes. It really is about believing. Cause so often we've called ourselves believers, but we haven't really believed. We haven't made that a belief that we walk in, that we believe it enough that it change our lives, you know? And I have. One of the books that I have written, it's a devotional. It's called what if you believed, you know, and it. It brings. I just share a scripture, and then I just share. What if you actually walked in this.

[16:12] Jan: Yeah.

[16:13] Jackie: And believed it, that our lives are totally different. Yeah.

[16:18] Jan: Yeah, yeah. You. I see your book is behind you. Could you read one of those.

[16:24] Jackie: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I can at least read part of it. Too much time, but I'll just do it. What's the date today? I'll just do the one for the second. So it's first Corinthians 619 20. Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the holy spirit who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price, so you must honor God with your body. I call it. I didn't say covenant life coaching because that's what I do is I coach people to live in the word. Right. So what if you believed you do not belong to yourself? God bought you with a price. How does believing this verse change your life? You are you all about your own agenda, doing what you want in this life. Why you're not your own property. Stop doing your own thing and start acknowledging God in everything. Why are you living for yourself? You are God's property, purchased with the precious blood of his son Jesus. Have you ever thought of asking him what he wants you to do, where he wants you to go, what he wants you to wear, what he wants you to say, and then there's a little bit more of that and then I share a prayer and then another extra verse to look up. Yeah, that's so good. Questions about what we're. What if we really believed that and walked in it?

[18:19] Jan: Yeah. How has coming to some of those revelations of things that God's taught you changed your parenting style?

[18:29] Jackie: Well, when we're not so often, I think earlier on, I was coming to my children, needing from them, like needing them to behave a certain way so that I would be okay, you know, needing them to say certain things to me or, you know, do certain things so that I would be okay. But when I. When God showed me that nothing separates me from his love, that meant I could start. Start from a place of being loved. I didn't need to go find that in the way my children were behaving or even as they got older, if they chose to love me or not, you know, and so it changed everything because then I could, I was coming to them whole and complete and able to address the things in our home from a complete but with God, whole and complete, and then go, okay, God, how are we dealing with this situation? It doesn't move me from a place of love, so I'm not afraid. I'm not, you know, needy in that place. I'm just there whole coming to them.

[19:49] Jan: Had to have been very freeing to come to that place.

[19:53] Jackie: Yeah.

[19:53] Jan: Both for you and for your children, because, you know, they're like, I never could do anything right. Because I never can fill that hole that mom's got.

[20:02] Jackie: Right, exactly.

[20:04] Jan: Yeah. They're not verbalizing that, but they're internalizing.

[20:09] Jackie: Yeah. It allows them. Yeah. Both sides. Freedom.

[20:13] Jan: Right. Exactly. Yeah. So when we have trials, which we always will, nearly every day, how can we look at those instead of getting anxious about them, how can we look at them as maybe even as opportunities?

[20:37] Jackie: Yes, it's true. Yeah. You know, I realized because I went, we go through trials all through life. I'll just share a couple of mine parents were divorced when I was at a young age. Mom got remarried, and then my dad passed away in a car accident. And then I had a sister that passed away of cancer. Her husband passed away four years later. And then my husband went through, like, a depression breakdown season. And so as I was going through, I realized trials never stop. It can be losing a loved one to losing our keys. Right. They're just different levels of trials in our lives and what we do with them. But I started from the verse in James one, two, four. It talks about considering it pure joy. When we face trials, we think, why? How can we do that when we lose someone we love or when we've got a. A child that's walking away from the family or, you know, whatever. And it's because the next verse is talk about. It's the testing of our faith. We know this testing of our faith will produce patience. And I like to think of it as even more than just patience. We can allow it to rise us up in life, like spiral us up to growth. Right. Or wallow down in depression, anxiety, anger, all the things that come up in that space. And the word says, if we choose patience and that testing, we will become complete. So if we can look at it as, okay, what's God doing here? Knowing he's working all things out for our good? What is he doing now in me and those around me through this trial? You know, I look at it as more of, what do I get to see God doing? It's kind of adventurous for me. Not that I like all trials. We don't have to think they're fun. We can go. Okay, God, what are you going to do here? I get to see you were in your amazing ways.

[23:04] Jan: Yeah, I think, you know, I mean, we know that God says nothing can separate us from his love. Nothing. But we tend to be the ones that separate him from his love, you know, that we're not either trusting enough or seeing the opportunities or seeing a. The situation as being something that we can grow from. Or maybe God's gonna has another purpose for it like that, but it's just resting and handing over, you know, that can keep us feeling like we're in his love instead of those obstacles being that wall that separates us.

[23:50] Jackie: Right. Yeah. And I think we've been so used to letting them separate us. Just being crushed in the trial, you know, and then even all one.

[24:03] Jan: And then in the middle of it, we're going, well, where are you, God? It's like, well, I'm here. I'm still here.

[24:10] Jackie: Yeah.

[24:10] Jan: Why aren't you looking to see that I'm here, right, yeah. Still loving you, still caring about everything that's there. Yeah. So tell us about your other book. Your other book is called covered.

[24:25] Jackie: Yeah, I'll just pull it forward here. Yeah. So covered is the first book I wrote, actually living in triumph while going through trials. And this verse is the theme of the. Or this book, the theme of it. The verse is the one from James one, two through four, considering it pure joyous. And I just share my life stories and the verses and things that God led me to believe, almost like believing the word of God over what's happening in our lives, you know, over the circumstances going on. And in doing that, it rises us up in life and helps us to live beyond the circumstances, you know, just believing God, like, okay, God's got this. I know he has it. And so. Yeah. And then with that, I have a study guide to go with it so that people can either personally go through it on a deeper level or with a group.

[25:29] Jan: Yeah.

[25:29] Jackie: Just walk through the scriptures and I ask questions and things.

[25:34] Jan: So you've shared some of your favorite scriptures, the things that keep you going. Any other ones that come to mind?

[25:42] Jackie: One of them that really helped me in a season where I felt betrayed. I felt like I had been stripped of who I was, actually. And I share a chapter in the book, but the Lord says, vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. Well, if you look at the word repay, it's actually recompensate. So it's not repaying the evil like the evil one. Like God's gonna take care of them. It's more like he's gonna recompensate us for what the devil tried to steal. And so that verse I really grabbed ahold of when. When I felt like because of some intrusion that I had allowed in people in our home and stuff, I had felt just like I didn't know who I was, you know, almost like I was pleasing people rather than God, you know? So God showed me all that, but I really had to trust the word as I built back up after that season and believe, number one, that he was healing my broken heart and binding up the wounds, and that he does for us when we believe him, too. And then also to recompensate me for anything the devil tried to steal in the season I was in. And I think a lot of us feel like trials maybe have stolen from us or different things that we can feel like we can never get back what was lost. But that verse tells us we can. And I actually lived that out. Like, I don't feel any of the. The pain of that season because of God recompensating me for all those years. So.

[27:37] Jan: Because the scripture also says he'll restore what the locusts have eaten.

[27:41] Jackie: Yes.

[27:42] Jan: And that's the same thing. Yeah, exactly. What would you tell a person who can't seem to get a hold of living without anxiety?

[27:56] Jackie: You know, I was talking with some other gals about that recently, and I think that the key is to almost, like, retrain our minds, right? Renew our minds with the word. Don't be conformed to the world, but be transformed by renewing our minds. And so if we can have a scripture before, as you know, even. I mean, a simple one almost for all of life is, I think it's in the psalms as well. But I don't know where it's found. But it's that simple one. We all know this is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. So what if we just started saying that and walking in that verse alone? That would bring joy. Like, I know in a depression season, God showed me to speak that verse. For two weeks. I spoke it. I said it to all the children. I spoke it, got myself out of bed with it. And after two weeks, it was in my heart, I was leaving it out. And so I think it's that repetitive and that pressing in, and just like, I know it can be different, you know, we could see God show up in amazing ways when we just walk in the word and believe it. And that's actually our work as believers. The disciples asked Jesus in the gospels, what is it for us to do the work of God? And Jesus replied, it's to. To believe on the one that I sent. And if we look at that, he sent Jesus the word. So believe the word. And then the Holy Spirit and so that's our work.

[29:52] Jan: And the word is living in active, you know, so repeating it is, you know. Yeah. Giving that life.

[29:59] Jackie: Yes.

[30:00] Jan: Yeah. Well, Jackie, where can our listeners find you?

[30:05] Jackie: Yeah. So I have a website. It's called livingcoveredbyhim.com. so they can find my books there. They can find book. A call to see if coaching with me is a fit. And the groups that I offer. And then also I'm on Facebook, and it's under Jackie Diggins. So. Livingcoveredbyhim.com. okay.

[30:31] Jan: And so thank you so much.

[30:33] Jackie: You, too. Thanks for the great conversation.