Christie Werts Life's Sad Story, God's Love Story

Christie's Book
Christie's website

Jan's website

Christie Werts stepped out and did what very few other women would think of doing.

She adopted her husband’s ex-wife’s baby. 

Having been abused as a child, Christie never thought she would ever become a foster or adoptive mom.

But God had a journey set in motion for her healing.

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Transcript

[00:02] Jan: Welcome to just talking about Jesus. I'm Jan Johnson, a seasoned believer who loves relationships and, you know, just talking about Jesus. Christie Werts, welcome to Just Talking About Jesus.

[00:18] Christie: Thank you. Thanks for having me.

[00:20] Jan: I'm so glad to have you. I was interested in your story because I have ten kids. I had three with my first husband who died with a brain tumor. Then I married a man that had two natural and two adopted, and then we had three more together. But because the two adopted ones had been foster kids for a number of years, just always going back to what they held onto with, you know, their experiences there and everything, too, it just kind of a place in my heart for that.

[00:58] Christie: Yeah, I think it's a struggle. Even when you're a child and adults, you know, you kind of learn certain behaviors. You know, God's taken so much from me, but a lot of it was more unexpected. It was not what other people did to me, but what he did through me more than anything, that changed, you know, to really to be who I am now and make choices and, you know, be where I'm at in life, you know?

[01:24] Jan: Yeah. And those hard things you go through, you don't realize that God's working his plan in you at the time. You know, it just. Right in hindsight, you can always go back then.

[01:38] Christie: Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's why I named my book Life Sad Stories, God's Love Story, you know, because I felt there were so many sad instances in my life, but when you kind of get through of them, through them, you realize it's been a love story the entire time, you know? So, you know, when you're in the midst of darkness and all these things, it's like, you know, it's going to get better, you know, and it does. And only through walking with him. I'd be nothing without that, you know?

[02:09] Jan: Yeah. So you were a foster child as a. As a child, you were in foster care?

[02:15] Christie: Yeah, yeah, I was an older foster child. So just to give you a little bit of my background, my mom abandoned my brother and I in a daycare. I was about two and my brother was about nine months old. She basically ran off with the landlord, and my dad ended up raising us. But I think during his depression period of being left alone with two kids, he turned to alcohol and, you know, through that time, just ended up becoming pretty abusive. And my brother and I didn't even know who our mom was. We didn't meet her. I think I was. I didn't think I met her probably between six and seven ish. And not long after I met her, she became addicted to, you know, drugs, unfortunately, and, you know, just, it was. It was a tough place to be because I had a yearning for parents, but they were, you know, they had this addictions that they were holding on. And so, you know, my dad was very abusive, and my mom was kind of in and out of the picture. And when I was about 14, you know, of course, my dad's abuse wasn't just physical, it was mental. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. You know, there was things after school, no, you can't go. Because he was just kind of overbearing with me and wanted to control everything he did. He was the opposite with my brother. My brother could do whatever he wanted to do. But me, if I left the patio, you know, there was something bad that went on or, you know, that it's just growing up in that constant tension of afraid that you're going to get in trouble, you know, even if you don't do anything. So I went to an after school function, and that was not allowed to go to. But I just decided, you know what? I really wanted to do something with my friends, and I'm just going to go.

[03:59] Jan: You're going to get in trouble either way, right?

[04:01] Christie: Yeah, exactly. You know, being a kid, we don't always listen to our parents. I have kids now. They don't listen to me. And then something happens, and I'm like, what did I tell you? You know, especially with the teeth brushing. That's been one of our talk. You know, ten-year-old got some cavities, and I'm like, your teeth? Because she was having panic attacks when they said she had a cavity. 

And so I would, my friend brought her boyfriend had a car, so he brought us home, but he dropped her off first. And when I was dropped off, my dad was out actually looking for me. And he ended up getting, you know, physically physical with the younger kid and then me in front of people. I think that if the foster care system or social workers had new abuse or, you know, being involved in going on drug runs and when I was only, you know, all these issues that grip, I probably would ended up foster care earlier. But, you know, it was kind of one of those things that I was afraid to speak up. And so the next morning, nothing happened that evening. But the next morning, the school police officer came to me because he had a report. And, you know, I was just scared to death to tell him anything, but I was kind of on the verge of being a little tired of living the way that I was living. And so I pretty much sang like a bird, and that was the night I ended up going into foster care.

[05:23] Jan: And so did you ever go back home again or. No.

[05:25] Christie: No. And I remember being like, you know, somebody asked me, like, the first night you went to foster care, were you really scared? And I wasn't scared of the strangers because I felt kind of safe with them, and I was more afraid of my dad finding me and punishing me for telling on him, you know, because my dad was a drug dealer, you know, when we were young. I mean, it wasn't the hardcore stuff, but back in the eighties, what he was selling is kind of the equivalent, and, you know, all the abuse. And so I, you know, ended up, you know, going from home to home. And it, you know, I share a lot more details in my books, but it wasn't. It wasn't a place for a teenager because that's kind of the worst time to go into foster care because you're just trying to figure out even who you are, where you are in the system. And, you know, it was a. It was a definitely a tough place to be. But, you know, I actually accepted Jesus at a church when I was, like, 14. This was prior to foster care because my first foster mom was a believer, and she said, we go to church on Sundays. There's no exceptions. And, you know, and if you want to get saved, you can. And I was very proud of that one thing that I could say that I was saved because I knew what it was, but I didn't know what it was, you know?

[06:43] Jan: Right.

[06:44] Christie: I went to church that time, and my parents. My mom was an atheist, and my dad only went when he maybe drank too much and felt guilty. We'd go to a church or something. So, you know, it just kind of spiral into that. And I. And I think that just the trauma being taken away from your family and the life that I knew, even though it wasn't the best life, you know, it was. It was good and bad. I think for the first time, I was allowed to be a teenager, but I didn't even know how to do that because I was almost like a prisoner most of my life with my dad, so.

[07:13] Jan: And you were separated then from your brother?

[07:16] Christie: Yes. And, you know, the crazy part is my brother is like my dad, and he would stick up for my dad. You know, my dad. My brother wouldn't admit this, but I'm pretty sure that my dad manipulated my brother most of her life and let him get away with stuff. So if he needed him, you know, like, oh, well, you tell them she's lying, you know, and so he didn't go into foster care because they technically couldn't find any proof of any problems because my brother would deny it. So he ended up not being placed in foster care, and, you know, he went. But I also had, you know, instances not so much with my dad, but people he had over. I was sexually abused quite often when I was a kid. So that was definitely a reason, you know, to be taken out of the home, too.

[08:09] Jan. Did you develop any lasting relationships with any of your foster families?

[08:15] Christie: I did, and I shared one in my book a little bit. So when I first went into foster care, they put me in that emergency home, and then they put me in another home, which, looking back, not being a dumb teenager now, they were actually a very nice couple. The only thing that she did was she demanded to be called mom. And, you know, when you have a kid being taken from parents, especially for me, mom was kind of a triggering word because she was kind of in and out, and I'd experience some crazy stuff with her I didn't want to. And I don't know why. I just told the caseworker, I need to get out of here. I can't call her mom. She's not my mom. And I don't, you know, just throw huff over it. And, you know, even now, I, you know, being kind of becoming a foster parent, like, I would never force a foster kid to do that. But so they really had no place to put me. So they put me in a mental home until they could find me a place to. To a placement, which not a lot of people were accepting. Broken teenagers. You know, they wanted the younger kids or, you know, here I was, 15 and in a mental hospital when the caseworkers gave the foster parents the rundown, I'm sure everybody said, no, thank you, except for one person. And the crazy part is, the night before, you know, a lot of things happened. I was actually sexually assaulted while I was in the mental hospital by one of the counselors there. And I just had so much stress and anger and frustration in me that I refused to go to group one night or one afternoon. And they said, if you don't go, you're going to get in trouble. And I refused. And basically, just like you saw in the movies, four guys and dressed in white came and grabbed me and put me in a quiet room. And I remember fighting to the end of it, and they dropped me. So I had this big black eye and scratches on my face. And they literally strapped me to a quiet bed to get control. I don't remember if they gave me anything. I do know that I fell asleep, and they came and got me after a while, making sure I was calmed down. And they said, you. The social worker called and said you have a potential foster parent coming to meet you because she wanted to meet you first. And I thought, oh, gosh, like, of all days, I have a black eye. Just put in a quiet room, you know? And here comes this woman that, you know, she looked like she still lived in the seventies. She was from Germany originally, but she was just the kindest person. She just knew. I think she just saw behind that brokenness and just knew that if it wasn't her, it'd be nobody. So, you know, when I just remember that was kind of the moment of feeling that compassion from her that I broke down and just said, I just want to be loved and feel safe. And she said, okay. She handed me a Snickers bar that she smuggled into there, and I ended up living with her. And, you know, she dealt and put up with my trauma quite a bit till I basically aged out, you know, went into the military. But that was a kind of my sanity, being in foster care and being with her, because if it wasn't for her, who knows, honestly, where I would have ended up. You know, I. I think back at what I had, I probably could have harmed myself. You know, it was just pretty dark time in my life. So.

[11:39] Jan: Yeah. Yeah, so then you go into the military, and then what happened?

[11:45] Christie: So I. But I'm drugging around all this trauma with me, too, you know, but it comes out in weird ways. And the funny part is, you know, so when we. When we. Not to fast forward too much, but when we adopted Levi and had to become foster parents, you take all these courses, which I dreaded because there were so many. My husband was gone. I have to take 60 hours of class. I have a newborn baby. I have to deal with CPS and. Which was already, like, hard for me because I swore I'd never go back to the foster system, and. But I ended up loving those classes because I learned so much about my behaviors. What I did, that made sense. No wonder I did that in those courses. So, you know, they were mandatory. But God was like, you need this because, you know, I'm here and we're working on stuff, but you need to hear it on a louder scale. And, you know, and even for my step kids, you know, I call them my kids, but for reference, step kids. They. I see a lot of things that they had to experience, you know, from their mom. But, yeah, so I carried around that trauma. I went in the military and, you know, I remember I share again in my book about my drill sergeant getting on me for laughing all the time. But for me, laughing was almost like a coping mechanism. So even though he. I remember thinking he thought he was going to break me, that I'm like, this is deeper than just thinking this is funny. It's very, like, you know, and I just kind of went down this weird under twining period through my life where I was searching for something, even though I had moments that I knew it was always God, that I wanted that human part. And the devil would be like, you know, if I had dark moments, would just take advantage and I would start getting angry at God. Like, you know, I follow you. I'm a good person and I do what you ask. And, you know, I had a pretty horrible miscarriage. And I remember after that, I just got so angry at God, like, you know, how. How could you let this happen? Like, you don't want anybody to love me. And, you know, so it was a very tumultuous relationship. I felt like it my whole life was definitely this father daughter relationship with God, you know, just like all of us. You know, I, like your parent tells you something like, I'm going to be the obedient daughter and do it, but I'm probably going to stomp, you know, and it's funny that because I'm a very selfless person, God took that away from me pretty much early in my walk with him. And I always think, like, of all the things you could have took, you took that from me being, you know, selfish and self-absorbed. But, you know, I see his plan. It's like chipping away. You know, I feel like a lot of times people will kind of think about God is like, you know, it's an immediate cure and he's going to take something, but we know it's not happening. It's like a chip away, but it's for. It's not for him. It's for us.

[14:42] Jan: Right.

[14:43] Christie: You know?

[14:44] Jan: Right.

[14:44] Christie: So.

[14:45] Jan: And it is in his time. Yeah. And it is in his time, you know? Yeah.

[14:50] Christie: Yeah. And I. And I'm so thankful for that because I look back a lot of times and I see, you know, if things would wait a certain direction, would I still have been here or, you know, it just, you know, you. When you look back at everything, you just you know, that's why I said, it's a love story. You know, it turns into one and doesn't feel like it, but, yeah, yeah.

[15:13] Jan: But it is a journey, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[15:16] Christie: Because, you know, you know, and then, you know, the story that kind of put us on the map a little bit, which I just, you know, Levi was already pushing, two, at the time. When our story came out, I just decided to share a TikTok video about us adopting, my ex-husband's wife’s baby after she passed. And it just ended up just kind of spiraling, you know? But I think there's so many different facets to our story, because I was a foster kid, a former foster kid, it's an ex-wife's baby. But God had this crazy plan before, because months before we even knew about Levi, you know, my husband and I meet, we fall in love. We're blended family. I kind of was mixed if we wanted other children or not, because I was like, we're in our forties.

[16:08] Jan: I know.

[16:10] Christie: When they move, we can enjoy that. And we were, we started a little Bible study group with our neighbors, which end up being more social hour than anything. And you know, how turned into. And the younger couples, I say younger. They were in their late twenties, early thirties, were kind of going through fertility stuff. And so we would every week pray about it. And so when we were doing prayer requests, my husband's like, yeah, pray for us because we're going to try to have a baby, too. And I'm like, okay, we are. Are we, you know, if it's God's will. And so I just decided, you know, to. He tells us to pray without ceasing, you know, because what we want and what's a true desire that's in his glory, it happens. It may not happen. We want, but. And so I started praying every night, and God put this baby in my heart. This baby was in my dreams two to three times a week for, like, two to three months. And sometimes he was a baby, sometimes he was a toddler, holding my hand, always like, a blonde hair, blue eyed baby, you know, and my kids are not blonde hair, blue eyed babies. They're all dark hair, dark eyed babies. So I, you know, here's this baby. And I just remember, even in my dreams, I would thank the Lord for this child. And I just. I love this child even when I held his hand. And so, you know, fast forward a few months. We get a phone call, and unfortunately, my husband's Wesley, his ex wife, she's still using. She. She was an addict, so my husband had custody of their kids, and she had a baby, was still using and had Covid. So they inundated her and, you know, she had baby the next day, or she had the baby, then they inundated her, and she unfortunately ended up passing away, like, a few days later. So prior to that, I just told Wes, like, if, you know, if we need to, we should definitely take the baby to keep them with brother and sister. I don't want him going into foster care. So we reached out to the CPs. We kind of talked to what little family she did have and said, you know, we'll take the baby, so he'll stay with brother and sister. So we thought baby would go to the biological aunt because that's. They still want to. Even though my husband had their siblings, their kids, they're not adults. So we thought that's what was going to happen, that the aunt would get it, and then we would go to court and say, it's better off the child with us, and case be closed. But no, it wasn't simple. They said, okay, well, you know, we definitely think that's a great idea and a plan to have the baby with you. So you can be brother and sister, but you have to be here and you have to become foster parents because we could do, like, an interstate transfer, but that could take over a year, and he'll end up going into foster care. And that was the whole point, to avoid foster care so he can come with us. So I said, okay, well, we were living in Ohio, and I said, all right, well, I guess we're moving to Texas. So we sold our home and we moved to Texas. And they just kept saying licensing, though. At first, they didn't tell us it was actual foster care. When they said license, I was like, what do you mean? Like, I didn't, you know, I don't know anything. I was a foster kid. I was a foster parent, so I didn't know this side. And so. But that's what licensing meant. It meant to become a foster parent. And I remember, like, my heart saying when they said, oh, you have to become his foster parenthood parents to do a foster to adopt. And I thought, oh, my gosh, because I was a foster kid, is that going to work against me? Like, you have a lot of trauma. I don't know about this.

[19:47] Jan: Right, right.

[19:48] Christie: You know, and we. There was still bio dad was kind of in the picture. He came forward and they did a DNA test, but unfortunately, he was an addict, too, and just ended up going, you know, Mia. And that's a question. A lot of times I don't really talk about him because I feel like it's not like I just know that he just went, Mia. And they had to move forward with no other biological family step forward. So it was a process and a journey. But when we made the decision to move to Texas, the baby was getting released from the NICU, so he was going to get released to the aunt's custody and my care at the same time. So I flew from Ohio to Texas, and I remember sitting on this plane and I went to the little bathroom and I just cried. And I was so mixed. Like, I felt so broken for this woman. Like, you know, Satan had chipped away at her with this addiction and she missed on so much with her children, and it just broke my heart. I remember praying for her salvation because I didn't know where she stood. And I said, I don't know, God. I've never prayed for. I prayed for people, but I've never prayed for somebody's salvation. Like, I was like, can I step forward and just pray for her to have peace and these chains that be broken? And so I was in there for a little bit. And, you know, at the same time, I was pretty excited to meet Levi, too, you know, and he was teeny tight. He was only four pounds.

[21:17] Jan: And was he drug affected then?

[21:19] Christie: Yeah, he was. It wasn't as severe as other, but he was pretty tighten. And if, when he would cry, he would beat his face quite often. But unfortunately, those did not last too long, the nurses said, because he was, you know, born early, that that kind of probably helped some, so. But I went to the NICU and I walked in and there was that same exact baby that I had been dreaming about. And, you know, I. And I was shocked, you know, how tiny he was. I was shocked that there's this little blonde baby, you know, I mean, you can't really tell baby's eyes, but I knew he was blonde. And, you know, it just was definitely a moment of, I felt like, I kind of felt God's love and grace in a moment that was really bittersweet. You know, mom had died and I also, my two other step kids, my eleven year old doesn't remember her. She was two the last time she saw her mom. She doesn't have any memory. But my other son, you know, it was heartbreak for them and it was a strange place to be. But I remember thinking, praying over that strangeness. I didn't want to feel that. I just wanted to feel like that love of God. God put me here, and this is God's plan. And, you know, so we ended up moving, finding a house to live, and became foster parents. And my husband, who's a crane operator, was gone 13 out of the 16 months, so it was just me. Having a newborn in your thirties is a lot different than having a newborn in your mid to late forties.

[22:56] Jan: It is indeed, yes, but it was.

[23:00] Christie: You know, it was a really fun time, and, you know, just more bonding with the kids over this person that kind of brought us together, and, you know, we made it through. Every time we thought things were getting closer, there was just loopholes, and I felt that journey of becoming Levi's foster mom was healing for me, not just with the classes, but I never imagined myself becoming a foster parent in any way, shape, or form, but here. God had a love story planned for me, and it wasn't in a way that was sad and broken. You know, there was broken pieces to the story, but it brought this healing to prepare for, you know, what we see was laying ahead for me.

[23:47] Jan: Yeah. And all those pieces. Yeah, I know. And I think, well, one, when you write something like a memoir, like you did, basically, it pulls together all of those little pieces where now you can see it more in a hole instead of, you know, I mean, you got the little pieces, and it's hard to write because it's painful, you know?

[24:10] Christie: Yeah, for sure. And I definitely stepped away from my book. I did an interview for the little local. We live in a very rural town, totally different from California, where I'm from. But she asked what was the hardest part. I said, just taking moments to just step away from my book after writing about trauma. But I felt like I didn't want to hold back at all, you know? And a lot of it was the push to drive the write. The book was, you know, more to share our story, because just even on my social media platform, it's like 20 some million views on our story, and there's so many questions, and I wanted to give those details, but, you know, when you do something that's like this, that's. I think the attention is drawn to it because it's not negative. It has, like, a happy ending, you know? And I think people are just tired of seeing horrible things and horrible things with children, and here's the family that did everything they could to make sure that didn't happen.

[25:07] Jan: Well, it says it's a redemption. It's a redemption story.

[25:11] Christie: Yeah, it is. It's definitely like, you know, people say it's heartwarming, but, you know, I say it's kind of a bittersweet, you know, redemption story. And it, you know, so I just decided if people that are praising me on these comments really knew who became a sponsor. Mom, it's so much deeper than those little articles that you see. And so I shared a lot of how I got into foster care, you know, my abuse, my relationship with my parents and that coming full circle and being able to forgive them and having a relationship with them not because they deserved it or, you know, I could stay bitter and angry, but God didn't want me there in that place, you know, so. And even before my mom past that, she was an atheist. And, you know, I was just trying to figure out I was kind of still a young Christian. Like, I didn't know how to approach an atheist about it. I just remember buying her this pink Bible, and they said, you know, I don't know what to tell you, mom, but you might want to make peace with God. And she's like, yeah, I have. And I said, well, that's good. And so. But she kept that pink Bible near. And I felt like I should have dug a little deeper with that conversation now than me now. Right? Gone deep with her. But, you know, I felt like, you know, at least we had that conversation, you know? So.

[26:35] Jan: Yeah, yeah, I. You know, I'm going back to forgiveness. I mean, you know, now when you're in the middle of it, it's so hard to forgive and to do. But, you know, now that forgiveness is more for you to release yourself than even for them. I mean.

[26:54] Christie: Yeah, yeah. And it's true because I went through a lot of that with my dad, because I forgave my dad. But my. My dad wasn't physically abusive with me, but the one trait he held on to was his favoritism towards Edward, my brother, through the years. And it never changed. I mean, my dad had passed away in March, and I remember him saying, you know, let your brother. Your brother had my car. Well, I mean, I do. We're okay. I don't need a car. My brother probably needed it. And I was like, okay. Well, I mean, like, you know, it was just that state, and that was kind of one of those unspoken, tumultuous things kind of between us a little bit, too. And. But I still remained the good daughter that, you know, God would want me to be and, you know, and see the difference in our lives. Now, my brother, you know, how he's living and how I live, it's so different.

[27:49] Jan: Yeah. Did you, when you really started a relationship with God, did you have a problem thinking of God as your father since you'd had father issues?

[28:03] Christie: You know, honestly, I did not start really having that real understanding that he was my real father. I know it was a conversation. You know, we said, our heavenly father, you know, your father. You know, I don't think I truly understood the depths of that until later in my walk. You know, I was just more of, here's an entity that loves us, that died on the cross for us, that offers grace, but I didn't take it to that next level with them until I kind of matured in my walk. Yeah, yeah. So it, you know, it was just a definitely interesting kind of relationship.

[28:47] Jan: I hear kids. I know.

[28:52] Christie: Real quick. Yes, you say, hi, friend.

[28:55] Jan: Hi, how are you?

[29:00] Christie: Say, hello, friend. Can you say it? Say, hello, friend. Hello, friend.

[29:05] Jan: Well, hello, friend. Nice to meet you.

[29:08] Christie: Say good night.

[29:10] Jan: Good night. Sweet dreams.

[29:13] Christie: We already did. Amen. Okay. Amen again. Okay, go, go.

[29:23] Jan: Bye bye.

[29:31] Christie: He has. He's very worried routine ish. I've always been a routine ish parent.

[29:35] Jan: Yeah.

[29:35] Christie: And he has this. He has to say good night, and then he, you know, is doing the toddler thing where he has to do booms, high fives, hugs, and then, you know, then we have our nightly. He calls it aven. And, you know, so we pray with him every night. Yeah, but it's really neat that he. I love that routine. Like, if you do anything outside of that, he's like, pray. Amen. He won't freak out. I miss that young age. You know, I have teenagers now. You try to have that conversation with. Used to talk about Jesus all the time.

[30:10] Jan: So what are the ages of your kids?

[30:12] Christie: So I have one that is almost 22, one that's almost 16, 1511. And then Levi is almost three.

[30:20] Jan: Yeah, yeah. So you had a little gap in there, too. I ended up. When I married my husband, both of our youngest were seven year old boys. And then he says, don't you want to have another one? Like, really? Because that's seven years. I'm thinking, I'm done with. Plus, we have seven kids now. How many do we think we need to?

[30:43] Christie: But no, I wonder, like, my grandmother had nine kids, and I was thinking when I was writing my book and sharing a little bit, like, can you imagine just coming home to nine kids? Like, I just, you know, and she was really kind of a single her life a little bit, too, because my grandfather died in world War two when she was pregnant with my father, so she married other people, but I think both of them passed away. And then at one point, like, I just never. I was always just grandma by herself, and so I just can't imagine, you know, imagine that. But there's a lot of families that still do, and they manage, and you.

[31:23] Jan: Just get used to things and, you know.

[31:27] Christie: Yeah.

[31:27] Jan: Yeah.

[31:28] Christie: It's nice, though. We like. I like a big family, and, yeah, I think when maybe our boys move out, we'll probably open our homes to foster care. But for now, I have to be mindful of my own kids, and we just don't have the space.

[31:44] Jan: Right.

[31:44] Christie: Yeah. You know, part of me is like, oh, I can make space here. But I was like, I have to be realistic and just say, I have to give my, you know, kids time.

[31:52] Jan: I would definitely give your kids the time, you know, to just be you for them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And. And save that for a later time. Yeah. So you're a horse girl now.

[32:05] Christie: Yep, I am. I grew up in the hood of Oakland welfare. I'm watching people getting gang fights, and now I live in a world house in Ohio. We have new horses. We used to have horses that we would ride on trails, but when Levi was around, it was really hard for me to get out, so we ended up selling those. And when we moved into this property, I decided just with the size of Levi and Dakota, who loves horses, too, let's maybe get some rescue horses, you know, let her learn to, you know, handle them, take care of them. And we need to work on her tacking them up so she could ride. But, you know, just to get that, overall, what it takes to care for a horse, because it's more than just hopping on its back, right? Some chickens and little duckies, and it's. It's a wonderful life. If you would have told me that, you know, when I was a kid, that you'd be living in the house with the Charlotte Webb barn, you know, which was my favorite book girl. Like, really? Oh, yay.

[33:08] Jan: Yeah, yeah. No, Wilbur, you don't have it?

[33:12] Christie: No, we thought about it, but we went to. There's a. We live by a place called Sauder Village, and they have these very old. Old, like, 1800 cabin homes, and they have a little farm there. And after being around the pigs, I was like, yeah, no, thank you.

[33:26] Jan: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our kids did four h, and they had pigs, and they. Plus, they smell. It is like. Yeah, but we, you know.

[33:36] Christie: Yeah, I mean, the horses, they smell, too. We try to keep their stalls pretty clean, but there's nothing like the pig smells.

[33:45] Jan: I know. Yeah. Yeah. We live on a big farm and my husband raises sheep, so we've got lots of sheep and blueberry. Blueberry. You picked blueberry fields and kids did four h and so showed lambs and, you know.

[33:59] Christie: Yeah, yeah, they want to do four h. We had this little mini here who I called my baby. We, when we first got her, we got her in an auction, and she was pretty sick. And I swear that she hated me. I thought she was going to hate me forever because I had to go out every morning in the evening to give her antibiotics, and she wouldn't take the pill, so I had to, you know, dilute it and get her syringe. As soon as she saw me coming, she would just spin around in her stall like, here she comes. And she's little, so, and I was, I'm pretty strong, so I was able to kind of hold her up and give it to her. And I thought, she's going to be traumatized and hate me, but she is my baby, and soon she sees me, she comes up to me, so she maybe had a sense of, okay, I'm being taken care of, you know?

[34:42] Jan: Yeah, yeah.

[34:43] Christie: Kind of like how God does, you know, sometimes he does things and we're like, why are you doing this? And I'm just taking care of you.

[34:50] Jan: But see how he's, how God has worked you into just being a caregiver all around, you know, even with your animals and with your, you know, your kids and all of that, so.

[34:59] Christie: Yeah. And I always wonder, like, I jokingly say in my book that I always wanted to be a worship singer, but God gave me the caretaker heart, you know, I was like, I still would rather be a worship leader, Lord, than this whole caretaker because it's exhausting. But he somehow I muscle energy to catch. Keep going.

[35:17] Jan: Yeah.

[35:18] Christie: You know, I try to just think, like, you know, there's. Even when it comes to talking about foster kids, it's like, you know, that even if the foster parent team was hard, being a foster kid was even harder. And so, you know, managing that compassion for children like that, you know, they didn't ask to be there. And, you know, it's definitely a different breed. And unfortunately, in a lot of states, there's kids living in hotels because they just don't have enough foster homes. And I, and I just, you know, every night when we go to bed and we pray with Levi, we just, we always say, the children, the children, the children. It was kind of our repeating verse because it's sad where the world is right now. And, yeah, it's kind of heartbreaking when you say when it comes to children because they're going to be adults and.

[36:04] Jan: Yeah, yeah, but you're, you're speaking the love into them. So you know exactly that compassion.

[36:12] Christie: And I, you know, a lot of people will ask me, you know, are you going to tell him he's adopted? I'm like, well, let's see, there's probably 50 articles about his adoption. I wrote a book. So, yes, we do plan on telling him. He just does not understand right now. He's more concerned with monster trucks, but he's a lot of fun. He's in that terrible tube where it's like, I not do it. You know, my husband was away for a few days and he had peace and quiet because he's just still, go, go. I can hear my husband in the other room kind of getting frustrated. I go, welcome back to toggle.

[36:46] Jan: The reality sets in. Well, Christie, where can we find your books?

[36:50] Christie: Sure, you can go on Amazon. It's called life sad story, God's love story by Christie Wertz. It's on Barnes and noble pretty much everywhere. Books are available. I'm going to do local book signings, and then eventually we'll see where that leads me. And if I start going out further, I started considering maybe doing some speaking engagements at different churches. I know here locally, they've asked. So, you know, who knows? Whatever God's plan, if he wants me to stay here and do other things and if he wants me to go out further, right. I'll do what he wants. The one thing I did learn is just now as I gotten older, if you don't do what he wants, things kind of do a different direction. I had to learn that a lot. I have a whole, like, section of my book of all the ways of not listening to the Lord.

[37:40] Jan: I tell you, those lessons sometimes, like, takes a two by four moment, right?

[37:44] Christie: Yeah. Well, and then, you know, and, you know, when you have, start having older kids, not too long ago, she was, she just graduated college and, but she, you know, there was that stress of graduating college and all these things, and she was in New York visiting friends and she was just really stressed out. I just realized she just needed me because sometimes when you have adult children, you just think you're, you're fine, but they still need mom. I know I do. My mom's gone now, but I sure wish I had her. And so, you know, she was just really stressed. And I just remember rubbing her back and I just said, megan, just remember, if God is for you, no one could be against you. So whatever they say is irrelevant. Your walk with the Lord is the most important thing. And I said, so when you feel like all this, just remember that God is for you. Who could be against you?

[38:30] Jan: Yeah.

[38:31] Christie: So I hear her whisper that to herself sometimes. So I was like, okay, that's good. That's better than I would have did.

[38:37] Jan: What would you tell the listener who was going through some things like you did? Feeling abandoned? What would you tell somebody to give.

[38:47] Christie: Them hope, you know, abandonment is a very hard thing to shake. I think I even still, you know, being nearly 50, still struggle with that a little bit. Not feeling validated is kind of a part of that abandonment, you know, and being a caretaker, you know, I think the biggest thing is, one thing I learned through grief, trauma healing is God will never abandon you. It's. You know, I always said, like, if God feels far away, guess who moved? It's never him. It's always you. And he wants you back. He wants you in his arms. He wants you there. So I just want to tell people, if you feel that way, get obsessed with reading the word of God. Like, I did that when my mom passed, because I felt no matter what I tried to get from people, nobody but the Lord could comfort me then. And that was during the time where I experienced, really, the depth of my walk with the Lord. And that's where it just stayed the most stable, because I realized if I just, you know, obsessed myself with finding healing in the word, it really did heal me. And I felt like nobody but the Lord can understand me, you know, because he can't. You know, Jesus came to the world and he experienced what we did, and we forget that. So I always felt like he was just there, like, yeah, my daughter. I know. I know how that feels, you know, that it's relevant to him. So I just say, just get it. As much as obsessed, and there's. There's groups, you know, there's other people. And I think if you meet the right person, you know, you can share your feelings with somebody, you know, and it's okay. I think a lot of people nowadays, they either over share or they don't share, and it's better to share and get it out. So, you know, and understanding or hearing you're not alone. A lot of us have felt that way.

[40:46] Jan: Exactly. Yeah. Isn't that true? Well, thank you so much for this. This is great. I know it's going to be a blessing to people.

[40:56] Christie: Yeah. I appreciate it.