Sheryl and Luther Stohs: Interracial Love: Challenges and Triumphs

Join Sheryl and Luther Stohs as they delve into their 30-year journey of faith and love in an interracial marriage. 

Battling societal prejudices and family expectations, they discover divine guidance and unwavering support from God. 

Their story, marked by challenges such as biases in housing and disapproving stares, is a testament to perseverance and the power of faith. 

Through prayer, scriptures, and church support, they navigate their relationship, ultimately triumphing over adversity. 

This narrative sheds light on how love, strengthened by spirituality, can overcome racial barriers.

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Transcript

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[00:02] Jan: Welcome to just talking about Jesus. I'm Jan Johnson, a seasoned believer who loves relationships and, you know, just talking about Jesus. Hello, everybody. We are here today with Luther Stowes and Sheryl Stohs. Nice to have you here as guests.

[00:22] Sheryl: Thank you.

[00:23] Luther: Thank you.

[00:24] Jan: As you know, you know, just talking about Jesus, just like what I like to do. I am at a writers conference near Seattle and a Christian writers conference, and I met this delightful couple that I thought, oh, here's a story. So let's see what we can find out here. So how did you two meet?.

[00:50] Luther: This is really funny. She's got the bulk of the book on this part of.

[00:56] Jan: Well, we'll see whether your stories match or not.

[01:00] Sheryl: Okay. What Sheryl didn't share is how we met and rolling back, because what he's just shared has been the last 30 years. Okay, we've been married almost 30 years, but prior to our relationship and getting married, I had been through a divorce. And as a single parent, I wanted to finally learn how after you've been through the hurt and pain of divorce, it's like, okay, I didn't do it God's way. And I know that God was speaking to me when he spoke through a verse from Genesis twelve and one. Go to a place that I was showing, and I will bless those who bless you, and I will curse those who curse you. And it seemed like every other week or month, I was hearing something that. A sermon or whatever that would come back to that sermon and to that verse in scripture.

[02:08] Jan: Little confirmation.

[02:09] Sheryl: Yes. And so I packed up my bags and moved almost as far away from home as I could get with my two sons. And that part about leaving your father's house? Well, I wasn't in my father's house. I was in my own home. And what I was looking for was for God to do for me what he had done for Abraham and all of the saints in the Bible. And most of the saints were Mendez. And so I was like, well, God's not a sexist. I believe that he can do it for me as well. So I packed up my two, and we moved. And I got to that point where I did not want to be a silly woman. I wanted God to bless me and to bless my two children. And I was looking for God to do just what he said and what I didn't plan on. I thought I was gonna get someone who was tall, dark, and handsome. Instead, I got this white guy driving a red mercury, and I was like, oh, gosh, really? Yeah. That's how you find. I mean, come on, do that. And going through, coming out of the south, moving to the Pacific Northwest, the limitations of the cultural diversity, particularly in places like Portland, Oregon, was just that. It was limited. And a girlfriend of mine said, you're going to have to broaden your horizons. And I was like, I don't think so. But when we met, and our relationship was growing through ministry. I heard about the church that we had started attending, having a free dinner. They were having a celebration. And I was like, okay, when you're a single mom, right, you go to where there's free food for your kids. Yep. So, been there. We hung around. We hung around the shopping mall and walked till it was time to. So I kept checking my watch. It's time for dinner. So then we headed to find this school that the free dinner was going to take place. And we didn't know anyone. And we sat at this table with these two older ladies who were sisters, and they were dressed alike. I'm like, they're not even twins, but they are dressed alike. And they introduced us, and I was like, what's this white boy doing at this black church? What is this about? And he was going on and on about music and family, and I was like, something's wrong with this, because everybody here is pretty much with family except for him. Later, I found out he started coming to the singles ministry, and I was like, something's wrong. And people would say, have you heard Luther? Have you heard him do Bible study? I'm like, no, I can't get to Bible study. I got kids to pick up all of that. And finally, I heard him speak during our singles Bible study. And I realized then that he was no ordinary pew warmer. And you didn't want. You didn't want any.

[05:51] Jan: Just ordinary.

[05:54] Sheryl: And as we formed a relationship and we started dating and whatever, my kids were having a fit. They called their dad. Mom's. Mom's getting engaged to a white guy. Oh, Lord. He's got to pay for that, right? And then I was really. We were both in prayer about it, our relationship. And God spoke to my heart. And he says, when do you get to the point where you say to the giver of gifts that you want your gift wrapped in a certain wrapping paper tied with a certain colored bow? And I was like, oh, my God. I was like, okay, all right. I get it. I get it. And the interesting thing was, several years prior, I had written a letter to the roar, and I'd gotten to the point where I wrote letters, right? Often. Quite often. And when I finally stopped lying to myself. Cause when you go through divorce, like, I'm not getting married anymore, you know, no man is good enough. And yada, yada, yada. And you finally say, okay, Lord, I do want to be married again, but I want it your way. You brought Eve to Adam. You brought what is. Rebecca, you brought them, too. So it's like, okay. And then I wrote my letter, and I said to the man who God chooses, that brings me this scripture. Just as when Abraham sent his servant back to the home country. And I was like, okay, lord, the person that brings me this scripture. And I sealed it, taped it up, and wrote to my savior, the Lord Jesus in heaven, I wrote it up, I wrapped it up, sealed it. 

When I left Houston, I found that piece of paper that had been lost for several years. Because every time I dated somebody, I was like, okay, let me listen. Is that the right person? Especially if they spouted off scripture. And it was like, oh, no, he's not the right one. And then it got to the point where I couldn't remember what verse it was, so the Lord had taken it from me and was like, oh, shoot. I don't even know what it is. How would I know? When I return to Houston to clean out my house, when I put it up for sale, that piece of paper dropped out on the floor and hit the carpet. Now, paper hitting carpet, you don't hear, particularly if you're throwing out junk. But that piece of paper hit the floor, and I heard it, and I saw it, and I knew what it was. And I tucked it in my wallet, brought it with me back to Oregon. And sure enough, after months of our talking and sharing and doing ministry together, he started telling me he was writing a song. And I said, okay. And so I never said anything. And then it would be a week later, he said, I finally finished the song, and he told me the words that to his song were from the words from that scripture. And did you just get, like, a little moment? I did. I was silent. And he knew something was wrong, but he didn't know what it was.

[09:49] Jan: It was actually something that was right.

[09:51] Sheryl: Yeah. And the next morning, we met for breakfast at Wendy’s, I think it was. And I had the piece of paper that I unfolded, and I gave it to him to read. And there's a long history after that of going through an interracial marriage. And particularly when my dad. When I called my dad up and I told him I was getting married, and he said, who? And I told him, and I finally said, it's a white guy. And he was like, and so what'd you do there for? And I was like, I guess I'm a chip off the old block because my dad had been in an interracial marriage. And so it was like, there's three generations interracial marriages that all have gone through stuff of, you know, how God brings them together. Yeah.

[10:50] Jan: And so tell me, what are some difficulties that you faced with life?

[10:56] Sheryl: Buying a home. Buying a home, really? Besides the usual stairs? Matter of fact, we laugh at them when. Remember the guy, we were at a corner, and we waited for the light to change, and this elderly gentleman, white guy, was crossing the street, and he looked over, and he did that quick. Don't you know? Like, he really didn't see us. He really wasn't staring. Then he started staring. And we, like, we just laughed because we know what he was staring going across. When we first tried to.

[11:32] Jan: That's what he's saying. Don't we look good together?

[11:34] Sheryl: Yeah, we are good. But when we tried to buy a home, they changed the rates, all kinds of stuff.

[11:44] Luther: There were a number of things that the realtor was trying to steer us toward a certain financial company, mortgage company, rather than the bank. And so I'm agreed to lead with that person. And they looked at our finances, and they were saying. And they said, well, you really don't have what you need to get this house that you're looking at.

[12:07] Sheryl: Yeah, you can't buy a house above a certain level. And I'm like, excuse me. And I was like, let's go up another $50,000. What we're looking for is not in this. We have three teenagers. We cannot deal with a house that only has two bedrooms. Three bedrooms. And so when we upped the price, our matter of fact, we had to change realtors on one house that we were buying. Well, we. I think you can buy a home in this area. And then. And then the market. We got married in 94. So back in the 20th century. And I was like, is stuff happening still like that? And finally I said, you know what? We need to change realtors. And we did. We found a Christian woman who was a realtor at our church, and we had gone to different houses, and the finances fell through. It was like, oh, this wasn't right. That wasn't right. The owner saw us and met us. She happened to be from California. And when the deal fell through, she told our realtor, they're gonna get the house. Wow. I'm gonna sit tight. And she did. And she sold us the house, and.

[13:38] Luther: She even talks to the kids when we kick my hair.

[13:41] Jan: Wow.

[13:42] Sheryl: Wow. So God opened doors, and we thought that was just happening in Oregon. We got to Seattle. We had same. Same thing, same stuff. And we had to change reality same way as we changed the financing company that once we realized what they were doing, it's like, no, let's move to. Let's go to our crate. Forget this noise. It's happening.

[14:10] Jan: Okay, so you're writing a book about interracial marriage. Well, first of all, I want to know whether your dad has advised you, giving you advice on being able to have that kind of relationship, since he'd already done it before.

[14:24] Sheryl: My father's interracial marriage ended in divorce. I have three biracial siblings. And when we started writing the book and we told my dad, he said he wanted to be interviewed. However, my dad took sif, and he passed.

[14:45] Jan: Oh. So he didn't get the chance.

[14:47] Sheryl: He didn't get the chance. So I told my stepmom, and she was real funny when she came to visit us at Oregon. She really got on Luther because she wanted to know if he was one of those white guys that was marrying black women just for the heck of it and the braids and whatever. She wasn't cutting him any slap, and.

[15:12] Jan: Well, he must have passed.

[15:13] Sheryl: Yeah, he did. And she said she wanted to be interviewed when we told her what we were doing. And she said she had some very pertinent things that she could share. She took sick. She passed last year? Yes, it was last year, 2023.

[15:35] Luther: Okay.

[15:36] Sheryl: We just went to the memorial a couple weeks ago, and so we missed that. We missed both of them. My mother passed and came to live with us several years ago. And before she passed, she told us, write the book. And going through funerals. Cause my dad passed in 2010. My stepmom passed 2023. My mother passed in 2022. And it's just been dealing with stuff. And so tell me about what kind.

[16:24] Jan: Of format is your book gonna be in? What topics? How are you gonna.

[16:29] Sheryl: Well, we are in a writers group, which was really helpful to navigate and piece through all of the stories that we have. But we're sharing five basic topics. One, how we met and our relationship. But a second story has to do with Luther and being in an interracial marriage before we got married and the loss of a baby from that interracial relationship that ended in divorce. Then a third topic is the generation that preceded ours. What I didn't know at the time was that my father got married when interracial marriages were illegal. Right. And I didn't know that the reason he came back to Houston was because the Supreme Court had just passed loving versus the state of Virginia and allowed for interracial marriages all over the country. And so he did have a lot to share that I'm having to piece through history with. Yeah.

[17:50] Jan: What a shame.

[17:51] Sheryl: And then there's the topic of biracial siblings and what they go through.

[17:57] Jan: Okay.

[17:58] Sheryl: That my siblings, when people would see them, they were real fair. And if they knew. My step mom was like, I know she's white, but they're like, oh, that's your sister. Yeah. My baby sister was born my first year in college, and so she's like my baby to me.

[18:18] Jan: Yeah, yeah.

[18:19] Sheryl: And I get angry with her. Tell them anything, but they have their own story. And then my son has also married cross cultural, and so we're approaching all of those. Yeah. Of those topics.

[18:38] Jan: I love that you couldn't. Stories.

[18:40] Sheryl: Yeah, yeah.

[18:41] Luther: And then also, she's from El Salvador.

[18:45] Sheryl: Okay.

[18:46] Luther: And they were up here for about seven or eight years.

[18:50] Sheryl: Yeah.

[18:51] Luther: And now they've gone back to Houston.

[18:53] Sheryl: Yeah.

[18:53] Luther: Which is where they got married.

[18:55] Jan: And so then you're comparing that to some Bible characters, too.

[19:01] Sheryl: We also include in the format of the book the interracial marriages that are in the Bible. Pastors won't talk about that. Churches won't talk about.

[19:12] Luther: Here's all the ones we had found by the time we finished. Iron.

[19:16] Sheryl: So you've got, there's Moses and Zipporah.

[19:23] Jan: There's Ruth and Boaz.

[19:25] Sheryl: People don't think about them.

[19:27] Jan: That's Jesus.

[19:27] Sheryl: It was Joseph and Azimuth, Egyptian. And back then, the Egyptians would have been from the Nubian tribe. So Joseph's children, Ephraim and Manasseh, were biracial kids. That's what we would call them today.

[19:45] Jan: Yeah.

[19:46] Sheryl: There's king a. I call King Ahasuerus and Esther. That was cross culture. Totally. Then when you move to the New Testament, there's the woman at the well that people don't think about. Her heritage was bicultural. That when you look at the, I want to say not only the Samaritans, but the men that she was married to, they most likely would have been Samaritans and who were also bicultural of many ways. Then when you look Bernice and Agrippa.

[20:27] Luther: Agrippa and Bernice in an axe. Yeah. Agrippa was a Herod, actually, he was the second son of Herod the Great. And we did some checking on Egyptian history and history, and it so happened that he was nothing sympathetic to Christians, but Felix was the roman governor of that area after Pontius Pilate had been removed. Agrippa's wife's name was Bernice. Felix's wife was Drusilla. And he didn't think it was a big deal. So he was sort of like the neutral people who try to be ethical, but nothing rock the boat too much.

[21:16] Jan: Yeah.

[21:16] Sheryl: Yeah. And then there's Timothy. Timothy, whose grandmother Lois, and his mother Eunice, Timothy's dad. They don't mention the Bible, does not mention his name. But Timothy's dad was Greek. And the issue about circumcision and non-circumcision and why Paul had him circumcised had to do with acceptance. So many times in cross cultural relationships, people are doing things for acceptance. Their grandparents, if you think about it. Why is it we look at and explore what happened that Joseph in the Old Testament did not bring his two sons to meet his dad until later? And looking at that cross cultural, then you look at the real racial peace that took place with Moses and his Cushite wife, so.

[22:15] Jan: Right, right.

[22:17] Luther: Yeah.

[22:18] Jan: Oh, man, that is fascinating. I can't wait to read it. We're gonna have to keep in touch here. Cause when you finally get that done, that's so fascinating.

[22:27] Sheryl: And we're finding out, too, as Luther's been preaching for years, and so what? He shares all about the work stuff and whatever. But Luther was pastoring in Houston. Kopal, one of the associate pastors meeting in Portland. In Portland, yeah. And now being the English-speaking pastor at a Korean church, we have watched, observed, even kind of mentored other interracial couples along the way and seeing some of the struggles, many of them who didn't make it, and that's part of it. There are many people who are hurting, who were even in relationships interracially, but parents didn't like it, wasn't acceptable, and so they back out of it. We've met many couples. Well, one of the couples who were in interracial marriages in Oregon and had to divorce early churches wouldn't marry them. They couldn't participate in church activities, or they took a backseat, or they were isolated, or people made little remarks about their kids and the kids hair and all of those kinds of things. So just all of the different aspects. Looking at the research of biracial children being in foster care in a larger percentage than any of the other racial.

[24:00] Luther: Any other, quote, homogeneous culture, like people who are black, maybe from a certain area or just lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same schools, and then they, they would not accept the people who were white. And there was a bitterness toward women who were white because black guys were dating women.

[24:26] Sheryl: Yes. It's been, that's kind of. Yeah.

[24:31] Jan: It would be a fascinating, a very fascinating thing. Yeah. I think we're going to need to wrap this up, but. Yeah. This has really been fun. All right. Well, thank you.

[24:43] Sheryl: Thank you, Jan. Yeah.

[24:49] Jan: Thanks so much for listening. I look forward to sharing another transforming story with you next week.

Well friends, I look forward to reading Luther and Sheryl’s book when it’s out. Sounds so interesting.

Wondering what I was doing at a writer’s conference? Well, I’ll tell ya!

I’ve published 4 books- a memoir about my first husband who left his spiritual journal after having a brain tumor and becoming paralyzed. God took him home at 38 and left me a widow at 32 with three kids. It’s a story of miracles and providence and the presence of God.

The other three are faith based romances. I’ll catch you up on those at another time.

But- this was the exciting news- at the Northwest Christian Writer’s Conference, I met with a publisher about the 6 week Bible study I wrote called Journeys, Hand in hand with Jesus. It has a media component and we work through our own journeys and compare them to people of the bible…David, Jonah, Job, Abigail, Joseph matching what God taught them with where those same truths are in our own lives. 

As always, if you’ve enjoyed this episode and know someone who would gain value from it, share it. It’s easy to do…. Click on the 3 dots at the top of the episode and share is an option.

I’ll leave you with this scripture.

We can make our plans but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9

I hope your week is blessed. And I look forward to joining you wherever you listen to podcasts next week!