Nakesha Womble: Grace Unveiled: From Abuse to Redemption

Just Talking About Jesus website
The Meek Mama Blog
Nakesha Womble didn't always have a picture perfect life. 

She shares her journey from a childhood marred by abuse and trauma to finding redemption and healing through her found faith in God.

Despite facing unimaginable hardships, Nakesha discovers unexpected moments of grace and restoration.

Through candid conversations and personal anecdotes, Nakesha explores the transformative power of faith, forgiveness, and resilience.

From abusive relationships to self-harm and addiction, Nakesha's story is a testament to the enduring love of Jesus and the miracles that can arise from the darkest of circumstances. 

Tune in to be inspired by her journey of healing, redemption, and the profound impact of encountering God's grace in the most unexpected ways.

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Transcript

[00:02] Jan: Welcome to just talking about Jesus. I'm Jan Johnson, a seasoned believer who loves relationships. And, you know, just talking about Jesus.

[00:12] Nakesha: Like, I didn't know if I was worth redeeming, you know, even though I could hear that voice through these moments of clarity and sobriety, saying, you know, you are meant for more. You are mine.

[00:24] Jan: Hello, listeners. Today I have the pleasure of speaking with Nakesha Womble. Hi, Nakesha.

[00:33] Nakesha: Hi, Jan. Nice to be here.

[00:35] Jan: I just can't wait to hear you tell us all about your testimony. Where were you before? And then, where were your butt God moments? And, oh, man, what he's done with you.

[00:48] Nakesha: The Lord has been so good to me. So just a little bit of a recap how I grew up. So I did know the Lord by name. My dad proclaimed to be a Christian, as did my mom. My father did not go to church, but my mom kind of raised me in a Pentecostal church for a few years. And it was a good church, you know, that taught me scripture and taught me some good foundations. But unfortunately, my father was incredibly abusive. And when we would get too plugged into a church or people would, you know, get too close to us, he would no longer allow my mom to take me to go. So my stints in church were very short. And then, I should say, part of my beginning faith walk looked a little different and was maybe a little complicated in that I knew God existed because I had seen how evil the world could be. And I knew that there was a quiet voice inside of me that said that I was set apart and that I was meant for more than that. But my dad was a very evil man. He abused my mom physically and sexually. You know, I had seen him stab her, run her over with a vehicle, beat her to the point she was unrecognizable. And unfortunately, he also abused me and sexually abused me as well. It started from an age I can't even remember and lasted up until my teen years. And so part of his power and control dynamic was using the Lord to make me feel bad or ashamed if I wasn't being compliant. And so often twisted, very twisted. You know, that's kind of how the devil works on people. You know, he was the first person, the only person I seen that would ever read their bible, sadly. And he would, you know, make. Make us pray after the abuse. He also was the only person in my life to show me service. So every holiday we would go and feed. We lived in offshoot of Dallas, so kind of a big urban area. And every holiday we would go feed prostitutes. We would go and hand out clothing. You know, he was a very giving person in some regard. As I've gotten older, I think that he probably believed those works helped to undo some of the evil that he had done. But as a child, I didn't, you know, I didn't understand any of that, frankly. I didn't even know I was being confused about theology until much older, you know, even. And so for all the debate about baptism, you know, babies are not, thankfully, I was baptized, you know, and I think that when my mom dedicated me to the Lord, that the Holy Spirit did seal me and did protect me, because while I went through so much suffering, it's amazing and a miracle that I'm alive and that my mom's alive and that we're able to have a relationship today even though she abused me less. In homes where there is a lot of abuse and a struggle for power and control, there's also the need for survival. And so a lot of times, you know, she would participate in things or harm me because she needed to survive, too. And so, you know, we did have a time where there was some distance in our life. But as the, the Lord is so good, he redeemed that relationship. He lifted us both out of the muck and mire, and we were able to, you know, establish a healthy relationship with good boundaries. And he's even brought her from Tennessee to live with me, and she has a relationship with her grandson. And praise the Lord, she's a much better grandmother than she was a mother.

[04:06] Jan: So, you know, what, what only God can do.

[04:10] Nakesha: Amen. Yes. I mean, you know, forgiveness is a, it's not a one and done. You know, it's, sometimes it takes a lot of walking out and many, many lessons of humility in the process. And, you know, I have to constantly, sometimes ask him to help me to not set up strongholds of bitterness, you know, or I work with abused children. And so sometimes that hits incredibly close to home. And, but I know who my savior is, and I know that he's forgiven me, and I'm in no place to withhold that forgiveness from somebody else. And so he is good to still minister to me through that and mature me and grow me and bring me closer to him. And he does my whole family through that testimony as well. So fast forward a bit. The Lord was good to always put people in my life who knew him and who went to church. And so I would come, you know, I'd have friends here and there over the years. We go to church for a little while, my home life would get really bad. Then I would kind of pop back out of church again. And so through the sexual abuse and the trauma that I had, you know, endured, I ended up making some really poor choices at the age of 15, in order to get out of my abuse, I ended up getting married in the state of Tennessee. You can do that. And it was my way to get out of that abusive home. However, that didn't last. You know, essentially, I ended up on the street doing drugs, partying, you know, just a really sin soaked sort of life. And I also began to self-harm because I had so much shame from what I had went through. I did. I felt dirty. I felt like I didn't know if I was worth redeeming. You know, even though I could hear that voice through these moments of clarity and sobriety, saying, you know, you are meant for more. You are mine. I didn't believe it, and arguably, maybe I didn't want to believe it at that time. And so I ended up meeting my partner, Zach, who's now my husband, in 2006. I was still married at the time and even kind of living in that sin, the Lord was good to redeem parts of my past in that it was actually Zach who said, hey, we can't be in a relationship until you are divorced. And so we drafted divorce papers. He drove me to the state of Georgia, to my ex, and signed those divorce papers and helped me to get free of that. And so I like to think about how the Lord really placed Zack there to redeem that in a really beautiful way, because I do respect the covenant of marriage, and I did then, too. And it was a difficult phase for me to process that. You know, I had already been married when it came time for me and Zach to get married. And so to look back and see God's faithfulness and all those little moments was just really encouraging for me and helped me to repent of my sin and then accept the grace that God has given me, you know, with his work on the cross and through his forgiveness. 2006, I get divorced. Me and Zach began a relationship. Pretty soon he realizes, you know, that I have a lot of dysfunction. I have a lot of bad habits from, you know, the places I'd been, the people I'd been around. And he basically said, you know, you either get healthy or this relationship can't go on. I'm not going to be an abusive relationship. And, you know, we often talk about men being abusive and not so much women, but, you know, I did not know how to accept calm or love or peace and where chaos was missing, I would create that. And so I did. And so I ended up seeking help to find a therapist to get sober. And I went into a really intensive program that was actually just for adults, but due to my history, there was no child's therapist that would see me or treat me. And so I ended up in a room with everyone being 40 and older and, you know, having kids that were my age, kind of. And so there was a day where I had heard a woman just share about her use with heroin and what it was doing to her daughter. And the Lord just cracked something open in me. And I, for the first time ever, spoke about my abuse, my past, what that had did to me, how I felt about my parents at that time. And at the end of that session, I was crying so hard, I had to step out to the hallway. And when the therapist followed me, and she was like, hey, I think you are here for a very special reason and purpose. And she's like, I want to give you something. You don't have to accept it if you don't want to. You know, I could be fired if you were to share it anywhere else. But the Lord asked me to give you this. And it was two Corinthians, twelve nine, the verse. But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me. I can't explain it, but that gave me such a hope and courage that I had never felt before. Until that moment, she. I don't know if she'll ever hear this or. I've looked for her over the years. That was such a beginning of time for me to actually learn what it meant to walk with the Lord. And so from that moment forward, I included the Lord in my healing. You know, I no longer was just looking to man or secular ways or therapy to fix me. I started praying real specifically, and my self harm was still a problem even after I was able to, you know, give up my addiction. Of course, I had some relapses here and there, but it didn't have the stronghold on me that the self-harming did. And so through those many months of intense prayer and really just a brokenness, I mean, I. To think about the things I'd been through with a sober mind for the first time in my twenties was incredibly overwhelming. And so, you know, I was in such a humble place. Perhaps that's what it was. I don't know. But just one night, I heard the Lord whisper to me, were my wounds not enough for you? And in that moment, I realized when I would hurt myself, I was rejecting his completed work on the cross. And at that moment, I cried out, my lord, my God, they are. And I never self-harmed again. He totally took that away from me in a way that was nothing beyond a supernatural miracle. I can't explain it, but the thought just. It never crossed my mind again. And many years later when it did, it was so clear to me that it was of the enemy that I just would rebuke that. And I would pray, and I'd ask the Lord for strength, and I would repeat the verse from two Corinthians. And that ended up, although I don't like the term life verse, that has been a verse that at many, many moments in my life has been one of the things that the Lord has used to just remind me whose daughter I am and to remind me of his completed work and that I'm here to serve him, that my life and the things I go through is to be a testimony for him and to bring others to him. And so that was a real pivotal point in kind of my healing journey. And then we can fast forward, you know, many years after that, me and Zach walked along together. He started out as an atheist in our relationship. The Lord used my sobriety, my journey along with some friends around us to kind of bring my husband to him. So that many years later, when we did get married, we both were very excited to enter into a covenant with God, and we were married by pastor, and then that we could have never imagined then what the Lord had in store for us all these years. Now, after, I mean, it's 2024, we got together in 2006, so we've walked a lot of roads together that, and the Lord just continues to be good to us and faithful and mature us and teach us, teach us his ways. One of the things that I continuously pray is, Lord, let me learn from you. Keep me humble enough to learn from you, because you can just go deeper and deeper with him.

[11:36] Jan: How did you go from a place of your original identity as a child to switching to really understanding who God sees you as?

[11:49] Nakesha: That's a good question. And I think kind of the crux of. Of where we sometimes find ourselves at in life. I didn't really have an identity, so to speak, you know, in the south, bless it. There's churches everywhere, but there's not a lot of churches that are teaching real Bible in terms of verse by verse or chapter by chapter. And so typically when I would be at these moments of wanting to ask big, deep questions, the church would kind of scold or scoff. When I got into therapy, I had asked for my pastor or someone within the congregation to kind of walk along beside me to give me some biblical counsel to digest with, you know, what I was getting from my therapist. And I was met with, that's not okay. You need to pray harder about it. And unfortunately, it caused me to walk away. You know, as Zach became a believer, we tried to find churches and was kind of met with the same thing, a lot of Christianese words and phrases, but we didn't need milk. We wanted the meat, and we wasn't finding the meat. And so we ended up much later. We would read Cs Lewis and Charles Spurgeon and, you know, some of these kind of great heroes of the faith, so to speak. And we just determined, well, the Lord really placed it on Zach's heart that we needed to basically sell all of our possessions, buy an rv, and leave the state of Tennessee like that we wasn't growing there, and that the Lord had more for us. We had no idea what that was or what that would look like. I bless Zach's heart. He had a lot more faith than I did. I was very scared. But, you know, the Lord gave me a piece that we were able to do this of one mind. It happened right the month after we were married. It was such a special time because up until that point, even Zach was like, I thought marriage was a piece of paper. But when we united as one, the Lord was able to work in us in a new way. It was like he did a new thing. And so we sold everything and we hit the road, and we ended up in Oregon. And at that point, we kind of spent some time reading, watching YouTube videos. And we started going to 
 Coastline Christian fellowship. And thankfully, there was a great pastor there who teaches the Bible, and there were people that when I asked questions, they were more than eager to answer them or to disciple me or to point me to what scripture says, and always the encouragement to not just take their word for it, but to go and look. And. And so I kind of had this mindset of, like, I want to be a Berean. Like, I've had bad experiences. So when I do hear something, I want to go to the scriptures. I want to search them. And so two things were happening at once. The Lord was doing that great work in us with his word, with his. With his testament, with all the things that he reveals to us both in the natural world and through, you know, his general revelation. And then I started going to class up community college, and this was kind of the point in which, you know, politics was getting out there, you know, a lot of divisiveness. I didn't believe the divisiveness was as big as what I thought it was. And so, you know, I was hearing words and phrases that sounded good. And my husband was like, I think you need to start thinking more deeply about these things. And, you know, without getting too far into that, I'll just say that I ended up going to school. I had a radical experience with a professor who, you know, really was just kind of teaching victim culture and didn't want to allow for open discourse in the room. And I came home, and it was like the Lord just ripped off the band aid of this inability for me to think deeply through things that were really hard and difficult and, like, challenge my own preconceptions. I love people by nature, and I didn't balance that with how God defines love, you know, kind of with that, you know, and then. And with his covenants and with what he gives us and reveals to us in his word. So at that moment, it was like I was able to start melding the two together. And so with that was the. The question of, where does our identity come from? And so I looked in Genesis, and I'm like, okay, we're made in the image of God, but what does that mean? And so I just started looking for, you know, things to help me parse that out. And when I really thought about and prayed through God, I made in your image. Show me what that means. He did. He just slowly started revealing it to me, and I was able to start to peel back layers of everything that I had started to define myself by per what culture said or per what my therapist said or what my current mental health diagnosis was. And I really came to realize that I had made mental health somewhat of an idol in my life. I had made self help, you know, somewhat of an idol in my life. And I realized that as long as those things had the hold that they did, then Jesus couldn't be my king and savior if these idols was in the place of his counselor. That was creating a separation between me and him. And so I didn't have a defining moment. I had kind of a couple year journey of having to just challenge that and coming up on moments where I would have to be like, man, what does the scripture say about this? What does the scripture say about grief and injustice, and the Lord brought me to the beatitudes. And for the first time ever, it was like I could truly read those. And I thought, man, there is more counsel here than all the DSM fives or tens or whatevers combined in the world. You know, the Kubler Ross model of grief has nothing on the beatitudes. I mean, he’s telling us, like, you’re going to go through these intense motions and tough moments, but blessed are those. And so every time I would kind of find myself in the trenches there, I would just back myself up with scripture. And so, you know, and that's something the Lord's still doing in me, I think, you know, I think it's a balance, but more and more so, as culture kind of devolves into chaos, it's very clear that if you are saved, then your identity is to be in Jesus and not in anything else, because that's our foundation. And when you're feeling that chaos or you're feeling unsure, like, you look to your king, and then everything else will kind of fall into place with that. And so that's kind of been my principle. If I am kind of going, feeling wishy washy, feeling overwhelmed, you know, feeling any of those emotions that are going to make it easy as a woman to scroll through Facebook or hop on, you know, Pinterest and find something to make me feel good, that's not what's best for me. What's best for me is to slow down, pray to God, repent in the moment if needed, and then ask him, you know, where, Lord, where do I go from here? And he's been good to either put me in a place of busyness, you know, to where I'm serving. You know, so often when I feel self-focused, the absolute best way to get that off is to go and serve somebody and to pour out to them. And somehow, even in that tiredness, my cup is much fuller than if I'm sitting at home, you know, scrolling or thinking about woe is me. Or, you know, I have a five-year-old that has high needs, and plenty of people are like, well, you deserve me time. You deserve this. And it's like, no, what I deserved was wrath and praise the Lord. He gave his life for me on the cross. And so what I just, you know, what I need today is to go and share that about him or just do something to make sure that he's center of my life today. So I kind of took a long way around answering that, but it's really such an experience that, you know, I think many years from now, I'll probably have a succinct way to say it, but I think it's a real work that he's still doing in me. And I think just in the times that we're in right now, you know, we have a lot of opportunity to think about our identity and make sure it's grounded in scriptures and who the Lord says that we are, you know? Yeah.

[19:25] Jan: And I'm sure you're not saying that all counseling is bad and all of that, you know, other things happen. It's just that you need to weigh it out, and I can see where you could get yourself into. Oh, this is where all my answers are, instead of balancing it out with what God has said.

[19:42] Nakesha: Yeah, yeah. Always use scripture as kind of your litmus test, you know, and I think. I think now more so than ever, too, we're seeing legislation coming into therapist offices and different bills coming into therapist office. And when you sit down with someone who has an obligation to affirm whatever you are saying and feeling, you're not in good company from the get go. So I think that therapy is necessary sometimes, but I would always say, if possible, try to pair that with biblical counseling or with a trusted brother sister pastor to just make sure that you're not getting too far out in the stray. So may therapists affirm, they're affirming your diagnosis, they're affirming the sickness instead of trying to help you feel better or get healthier over the long term. And so I found that to just be a real problem currently. That's helped me to reevaluate some of my positions. I think.

[20:34] Jan: I think it's just wonderful just how, how God puts people in your path along the way that you are not even suspecting are going to have an influence on you.

[20:44] Nakesha: Right? Absolutely.

[20:45] Jan: And then all of a sudden, he's popped somebody in there and it's just like, oh, okay, so I guess we're going to go this way, right? And then totally change things.

[20:55] Nakesha: Yeah, it's. It's so true. You know, even when we had joined coastline, we had visited a few other churches and just, you know, hadn't, hadn't found a place that had clicked or had. That maybe focused on scripture at the time, like we were, we were looking for in terms of how we wanted to be fed. And in my role, I work with volunteers in the community, and they were little lights. And so I just kind of asked some questions like, hey, do you go to church? Where at and they were all part of coastline, and so it was really cool. Like, their fruit, you know, really showed me. And it kind of was a light for us to get there and, you know, in the Lord, that's. It's really amazing how he uses his body in that way, even when we don't know it.

[21:32] Jan: Yeah. How do you think, or how do you see that God speaks to you?

[21:37] Nakesha: Well, I probably would have answered this question different many years ago, but now I will say the way that he speaks to me is really through his word. I. I kind of know, you know, I kind of know, like I said earlier, when I'm feeling a little shaky or when maybe I'm feeling chaotic or I'm experiencing anxiety, those are kind of like red flags to me of, hey, is your house in order today? And so, daily scripture reading. I start my day out reading as much as I can. I always try to read at least a chapter at a time. But scripture reading and studying has been the way that I found that he marries up. You know, maybe what I feel like the Holy Spirit is trying to communicate to me. I'll read scripture. I will pray. You know, repenting, he's really showed me a lot the last several years on what that means. You know, we're kind of in a culture where we often want to talk about a Jesus or a cross without the repentance part. But what I found is when we have not repented and we kind of. And we're carrying this sin, and that can show up in different ways. Like, you know, it can feel like shame or arrogance or pride. It's putting a further separation between us and him. You know, he's holy. And so I try, even though I know that that's a standard I won't achieve. And I. And I don't, you know, necessarily have to in terms of I'm, you know, I'm seen as righteous through the cross, you know, I don't have to do works, but I love my lord, and so I want my life to be a response to that. And so prayer, repenting, reading the scripture, and then often he will give a confirmation. You know, it'll be another brother or sister will shoot me a text or share a video, or, you know, something in my line of work will come across that topically is the same or similar. And so over the last few years, I have kind of. Well, it's been a while now. I don't even know how many years. But Elizabeth Elliot has kind of became like a spiritual mother to me. And so often I will sort of look through her life or through the life of others who have, you know, sacrificed much for the glory of the Lord. And it just helps me get my house in order. And when my house is in order, I can hear better and I can see clearer. And so I wish I had a more tangible way to explain that. Yeah.

[23:52] Jan: But it's just interesting to see, you know, to find out how does God. I know how it speaks to me, you know, and he just dropped something like, oh, you should be doing. And I go, okay.

[24:06] Nakesha: One of my, the most, like, concrete things I began to do to help me see, to see over time, you know, and when I'm feeling weak or, you know, we all have moments where we're not sensually experiencing the Lord, you know, maybe we're not getting goosebumps or we're not having some big, big God moment. And that can feel, you know, that can feel really cruddy and empty, and we can feel detached. And so a couple years ago, I started keeping a prayer journal, and not just, like, writing the prayer, but going back and answering, you know, if the Lord's done something or even if it's not a full answer, but it's clear the Lord's hand is in that moment. And so I now have a couple years to look back over, and I can see his faithfulness. And God is always working. In the meantime, even when we don't see him, he's always in the business of redeeming his people. Pray maker. His story is still unfolding, and it's kind of all about us right now. It's about bringing his people back to him. And so the prayer journal, when maybe I can't hear him, it's another way that he can speak to me, just in terms of reminding me of his faithfulness.

[25:06] Jan: And sometimes when I have something I'm really wrestling with, you know, and I should do this more often. I don't know why I know, but is in my journal. I'll start, dear Jan, and see what God tells me just through. And I just like, okay. I mean, it's so powerful. If you haven't done it, try it. It's really. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Overwhelming. I think the other thing is sometimes we just. We get stuck in where we are in our story, and we don't realize how we're a part of this whole bigger God plan than we can even see, you know, from generations forward and whatever, that we don't even have a clue.

[25:56] Nakesha: Yeah, absolutely. I, you know, just to speak a little bit to you know, mine and my mom's relationship, when I got in church, you know, all those years ago with Zach and, you know, was kind of seeing a therapist and just working on getting healthy and trying to break, you know, the strongholds that had taken place in my life. My mom's response was just sheer anger. You know, anything that was going to put a separation between me and what was comfortable that dysfunction. And she just began to lash out and kind of harassed me to the point I actually got an order of protection. And, you know, it was a really hard couple of years of loving her and not wanting to intentionally hurt her, but also needing that separation to get a footing. Yeah. And so she had, over the years, you know, finally quit trying to reach out once I took some legal action and that sort of thing. And when it came time for me and Zach to move my mom, she struggled with infertility, which I did, too. And that's a significant part of my story I should definitely share. She didn't have me till she was 43, and so she was quite older. And so I told him when we went to move, like, I don't know how much time she has, and I don't know if we're going to come back or not. And I feel a conviction to just reach out to her. I have forgave her, but I've never told her that, and I wanted to tell her that. And so before I placed the phone call, it was one of those moments that we're so. We're such prideful people. From my own experience, they don't happen often, but I had a moment where I fully opened up. I hit my knees, and I just said, lord, you know, come into this, like, remove my pride. If that's the piece that's keeping this relationship from reconciling, you know, like, take my pride away, strip me down, make me humble here, and I just, you know, I want to serve you. I want to do the honorable thing here, and I feel like that's what I'm being called to do. And he met me there in my kitchen. And so the next day, I called her, and I didn't. I called from, like, I blocked my number. I didn't want her to have my number. You know, I still was. I was open, but I still also felt a little bit unsafe and unsure. But the person that answered the phone was clearly a different person. You know, the mom that I knew was just such a narcissist that I couldn't get two words in. You know, it's just all about me, me, me and what you've done to me. But she actually listened. And so I asked her if she would like to meet in a neutral place and just have a conversation. She agreed. We met at a local McDonald's. The conversation went fairly well to the point that I invited her over to my home for dinner, and she came. And when she came, she shared a story with me and really gave me a gift that day that I hadn't gotten up to that point in the last few years where we wasn't speaking. She had had a car accident. She ended up having a huge back surgery, and she ended up almost dying after the operation. And she was having a dream, like, a reoccurring dream of being in the darkness with her childhood, yelling for her and grasping for her and her making the conscious choice to not help that child. And she basically described it as being trapped in a form of hell for her. And when she woke up, all she could think about was me. And after she had told me that story, she admitted and apologized for failing to protect me, for seeing the signs that I was being sexually abused. You know, this is for our family. She's from an Appalachian family, very poor. And, you know, a lot of the culture that we hear about is true. I mean, lots of incest. For generations, it was just the norm. And when I talked about my sexual abuse, it was. The whole family was upset. I mean, I literally have no connections outside of my mom. And so for her to say that was just so pivotal. You know, I was able to give her the gift of forgiveness, and then kind of what she gave me back was something I never expected, which was just, yes, it happened, you know, validation. Validation. And so we were just genuinely able to move forward. And something like that does not happen without. Without the Lord. You know, it was just really radical. And so then for us to be here now, you know, her husband died just a few years ago. She ended up with breast cancer, double mastectomy. We were thinking about moving out there to be with her and take care of her, but we wanted to be wise, and so we prayed about it. We asked the church body to pray for us. And with us, Zach was able to take a trip out there just to kind of see. And the Lord just very clearly revealed, no, this is not for you. Don't come back to this. And so it was like us bringing her out. She had been out of church. She had began to drink again in the short amount of time. I mean, I'm talking a very short amount of time. She had began to already just fall back into that cycle of abuse again within herself, you know, and so it was like her redeeming journey back. My husband once again was able to go and get her, bring her here. She's been going to coastline with us ever since then. So going on two years, she's been in church with us. You know, we share Bible studies together, we pray together. And I just. I would have never imagined, like, looking across my house and seeing my son and my mom and us, like, praising the lord or doing worship, you know, music together. It's just such a beautiful picture of his redemption and how our journeys are. So, you know, for anyone listening, if you have those family members, you know, or if you're praying for that reconciliation, keep praying those prayers. You know, God. God has a plan and his timing, you know, and we don't always get the answers, but we do get more of God. We do get to see more of his faithfulness, and he will be true to bring those things to completion by his good plan. So, you know, keep praying because he hears you.

[31:16] Jan: Yeah.

[31:16] Nakesha: And so that's a beautiful thing. And then kind of as a side story, I had my own fertility struggles, you know, over the years, and me and Zach had. Did treatments and did, you know, everything up to in vitro, anyone that did infertility stuff. Like, it breaks the bank. Full disclosure, you know, you get to a point where you have to make a choice. And so my body was kind of ravaged with the hormones, you know, financially, it was just taking a lot. And so we kind of took a pause, and I went up and down with that. You know, I wasn't. I didn't always have a piece about that. But after we got into coastline and the Lord was kind of, like, revealing himself to me, I was like, I just told Zach, you know, I'm okay with this. Like, if the Lord doesn't have it for me to be, like, a biological mom, like, I'm okay with that. He's placed me in the path of so many kids that I've got to help over the years I have relationships with. It was just a really special moment. And in that moment, I had realized that, once again, I kind of placed the idol of motherhood and how specific I thought that should look in the place of my submission and my desire to be with the Lord and to just say yes to what the Lord had for me. And so we were about to begin a cycle of treatment again. And so I told him, I said, you know, at the end of this, like, I just. I want to be done. We were midway through, so I couldn't, you know, just quit cold turkey. But I said, you know, I want to be done. His, his grandfather passed away. He came back home about a week later just to make sure I was safe and that there wasn't any lingering effects from the medication. I had to take kind of my routine pregnancy test and it was positive. And, you know, this was like a 13 year journey. And so I, I was like, well, that's a false positive because the hormones are, you know, there's no way, like, what do I do? Do I stay home from work? You know, and I'm like, no, no, like, I'll get this sorted out, right? Like, I'll go to the doctor, I'll figure out what this is. Twelve tests later and me barging into the doctor's office to demand them test me there, right then and there, you know, it was, it was true. Like, the Lord had blessed us with a child and, you know, I was just so humbled in that, you know, it happened so close to me submitting to him and once again kind of repenting of, you know, Lord, I'm sorry for putting this thing in the place of you and saying no to what you have right here in front of.

[33:31] Jan: Me because it's consuming. When you desire that.

[33:33] Nakesha: Oh, yeah, it's so consuming and you covet, you look around, you see what everyone else has, what's wrong with me, and where so many things. Yeah. And the whole time, you know, the Lord had that plan, you know, and, and Jackson, he has autism and he's a very special boy. And the Lord is so good because there's no way I could have parented him ten years ago, you know, twelve years ago, not only from my own choices, but even just the way in which we can help children nowadays and the more we know. And it was a timing that would ensure that. I raised Jackson up to know the Lord, and that's my primary concern for him. We do sensory music with worship. His homeschool book includes psalm 23 and Velcro Bible verses. The biggest thing I desire for him over speaking or accomplishments or anything is just that he would know the Lord and serve the Lord and that people would see God's glory through him. And so, you know, even in that, it was such a reminder of God's timing and not our own, you know, and the humility that when we walk in it, you know, it does go well for us.

[34:36] Jan: And I think at that point, it's like my biggest thing that God has been teaching me for the last couple of years is just trust. Keep trusting truth. You can't see what's going. I just. I got it, I got it, I got it. Just wait and trust and see. And you still can't see what's going to happen, but just trust, you know? I think that's just really a lesson.

[34:57] Nakesha: No, it's so true. I agree.

[34:59] Jan: Over and over.

[34:59] Nakesha: Yeah. I would say that's my most. You know, when you ask how I hear from him most often, that's just what I hear. Trust me. You know, it's not always an elaborate thing. It's just a reminder of his steadiness. Like, hey, I'm the same yesterday, today, and forever. Like, just trust me.

[35:15] Jan: And that's why all those stories are in the Bible.

[35:19] Nakesha: Yes.

[35:19] Jan: Why they put there. It's just so weird.

[35:21] Nakesha: I love the, you know, the Hebrews hall of fame. I mean, so many of those people that are listed there that were counted as righteous, they didn't get to see those promises come to you if you look at them.

[35:30] Jan: And you wouldn't have thought they were righteous. I wouldn't have thought they were.

[35:34] Nakesha: Right.

[35:34] Jan: You can pick that. Are you kidding? Yeah. Right?

[35:36] Nakesha: Yeah.

[35:37] Jan: Mary Magdalene.

[35:39] Nakesha: Yeah. I love Rahab, you know, from a prostitute to, you know, being the lineage of Jesus. I mean, it's just really amazing.

[35:47] Jan: And so, yeah, that's where his ways are. Not our ways.

[35:51] Nakesha: Yes. Amen on that. Yeah.

[35:52] Jan: I wanted to ask you one more thing. So where did the point come for you to feel like you could be bold about sharing your faith?

[36:03] Nakesha: I think the moment that I really grasped that I needed a savior, that we are in a fallen world and that we are all born sinful. You know, I had shared a little bit about kind of having the christianese version of the gospel, which, unfortunately, didn't shed a lot of light on the cross and what that meant. And so, as I began to study scripture and know who God was as he revealed himself to us, the conviction just continued to grow, and this response continued to build inside of me. I will say the timing of world events has helped that. You know, I see so many people hurting and broken. Addiction is rampant, overdoses are rampant, abuse, and people justifying those things, too, in a lot of circumstances. And so I feel an increasing need and desire for people to be saved, you know, for them to have a hope and for them to have a sense of purpose. And I just pray daily that the Lord would continue to make me bold. I actually wrote down a quote from Elizabeth Elliott that says, whatever is in the cup that God is offering to me, whether it be a pain, a sorrow, a suffering, or grief, along with the many more joys, I'm willing to take it because I trust him. And so, you know, most of the time, what wants to stop me from being bold is some sort of fear of man. And I've asked the Lord to decrease my fear of man and increase my fear of him. And he's been good to do that. You know, I work in a system that my personal beliefs can have a real impact on funding or on my actual job, you know, but I, you know, make sure everyone knows I'm pro life. I think every person, every life has such immense purpose and value because of the imago dei, because we are made in the image of God. And so he's just really increased my love of fellow image bearers. Even if they look different, we come from different walks of life, they make bad choices. You know, I just. I ask him to not let me forget where I came from, the things he's redeemed in my life, for me to be able to use that to serve him and for him to just gently guide me and correct me in that process. So. So my boldness is increasingly coming from a place of. The world is dying. Yeah. And I don't. And I. And we can have eternal life if we repent and go to Jesus. And so that's. That's kind of what's doing it. And so daily, it's kind of increasing. And I just pray that he continues his good work in me, you know, and that I can be bolder, I think. And I think, too, just coming from the south and seeing, you know, in some ways, I think it's far worse to be a fence sitter than it is to just be a non believer or a mocker versus being a believer. You know, it's. The times of being lukewarm is becoming increasingly dangerous, I think. And so if there is anyone that is potentially in that lukewarm place, I just pray that the Lord would use me in some way to convict them or to strengthen where they are in their walk.

[38:59] Jan: Yeah.

[38:59] Nakesha: Another long answer.

[39:01] Jan: You have one last thing you want to share?

[39:03] Nakesha: I think that I would just share just that reminder that in today's culture, that seems like it's full of chaos and hardness, that it's such a pivotal moment for christians to be faithful and to look to our king and our savior and to remember that that's where our hope comes from. Our hope doesn't come from the next election or you know, the weather or you know, what's happening. You know, with the things on our streets. Our hope comes from the Lord who holds it all in his hands. And so I just want to encourage everybody to trust him and pray and seek his face. And he will show you himself. Yeah.

[39:42] Jan: Thank you, Nakesha.

[39:43] Nakesha: Thanks Jan.

[39:47] Jan: Thanks so much for listening. I look forward to sharing another transforming story with you next week.